


i'm gonna be questioning the reason and rhyme to this line

by queen_ofdisaster



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5319962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_ofdisaster/pseuds/queen_ofdisaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Balthazar is a famous singer-songwriter. Peter is a Broadway star. They meet in New York. Peter has a mysterious crush that Ben likes to bring up and Balthy writes love songs. </p>
<p>title from reuben hudson's 'if i didn't darling'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm gonna be questioning the reason and rhyme to this line

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at fic in years, so be kind. I'm trash for this ship though, so writing fic was 100% necessary. It's an AU but their lack of communication and stupidity is canon. 
> 
> Also, all the song lyrics featured in this fic were all (as far as I know) written by Reuben Hudson, so all credit to that talented little gumdrop.

Balthazar had never liked big crowds. Not even when he was the center of attention - _especially_ when he was the center of attention. So needless to say, he wasn't feeling too great, even though his album release party was supposed to be a great night, where he was surrounded by people telling him how great his songs were and how talented they thought he was; but Balthazar had never liked people kissing his ass either. Compliments were fine, but coming from these old, corporate people in suits that looked like they cost more than Balthazar's flat back home in Auckland, they just felt so forced. None of it felt genuine and Balthazar just felt uncomfortable being at the center of it all.

 

None of his friends were there, which made things even more unbearable. Instead, the place was full of business people and various clients of these managers. As cool as it was to be surrounded by some known celebrities, it wasn't what he wanted. But Balth put on a smile and told everyone around him that it was great, because that's who he was. He hated confrontation, and he hated stirring up problems of any kind for anyone. Which is why even when someone offered to fly his family out, or a few of his friends, he said no. He didn't like people going to trouble for him. 

 

It would have been nice to have Rosa there though. Rosa Jones, his older sister and easily the sibling he was the closest to. It probably wouldn't have been an issue for her to pay for the trip herself, since she loved to travel and had done a lot of it over the years. But again, Balthazar didn't want to ask and cause her any inconvenience. Even having Beatrice there would have made things better. It had been too long since he'd seen his best friend from home. Hell, it'd been too long since he'd seen home. 

 

Balthazar knew from a young age that making music was all he ever wanted to do in life. The first time he picked up an instrument and let the room fill with beautiful, soft music, he just knew. He fell in love with it immediately. 

 

What started as him at fifteen years old, filming covers to put up on his Youtube account turned into him writing and producing his own songs, and then a self released EP. After that got popular, it was't long before he got "discovered", as some might say. 

 

Fast forward three years, and Balthazar Jones, with two EP's and now one album under his belt had become one of the most popular musicians in New Zealand. But his fan base had grown wide, and his management wanted to capitalize on that - which was why this past year had had him in America.

 

He was in Los Angeles, mostly. He did a lot of recording for the album there, meeting new producers and making "connections". But now, they were in New York, in some fancy club that his team had rented out for the night -the extravagance of it all didn't make Balthy feel at ease either. Nothing about the night did. It felt a little silly, too, having an entire bar and club just for him and his party when he couldn't even legally drink in the states yet. 

 

The party had been going on for about an hour when he finally managed to sneak away from it all. He'd thought about going out front, but when he'd arrived, there had been fans standing out there and he was sure they were still out there. It wasn't that Balthy didn't love his fans, but he needed a moment of peace. 

 

He cautiously stepped out of the back exit, making sure no one was out there before walking completely outside and shutting the door behind him. There wasn't much to look at around him, just a brick wall and a big dumpster, so Balthy leaned against the building and pulled out his phone.

 

There were a few missed calls from Rosa and his parents, who were probably calling to ask how his big night was going. God, he wished he could be home with them. Along with that, were a number of texts, the most important ones being from his group of friends from back home. He took this moment of freedom to respond to a few from Beatrice, Hero, Ursula and Paige, because he wasn't sure when he'd be able to do so anytime soon. He had interviews and other events to attend starting early the next morning. Not much down time. 

 

He had just hit send on a text to Paige, telling her to say hi to Chelsey for him, when the door swung open and someone stumbled outside. Balthy took a step back, watching as the man steadied himself. Judging by how young he looked, Balthazar assumed he was someone's client and not a higher-up. 

 

"Jesus Christ," the man mumbled to himself, running a hand through his hair. It took a few seconds for him to realize he wasn't alone. He slowly turned in Balthazar's direction and at the sight of him, he jumped back a little in surprise. "Shit," he gasped. "Shit. Hey."

 

Balthazar gave him a polite smile, lifting a hand in an awkward wave. "Um, hey," he said. "You okay?"

 

The stranger furrowed his brow, as if the question baffled him. Maybe he couldn't tell how ragged he looked, maybe that's how drunk he was. "Huh?" he asked. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just needed some fresh air." 

 

Balthazar nodded. The guy leaned his back against the wall, and Balthazar took a tentative step forward, back to where he'd previously been standing. He'd moved away initially, not knowing who was coming through that door, but this guy seemed harmless. 

 

The guy closed his eyes as he leaned back, and Balthazar took the chance to look him over. He looked about Balthazar's age, maybe give or take a year or two. Old enough to be served from the bar, or just someone who had ways of getting what he wanted regardless of his age. He was handsome, so that wouldn't surprise Balthazar. 

 

When he opened his eyes again and they immediately met Balthazar's, Balth looked away. He opened his mouth, about to say his goodbyes and go back inside, when the stranger spoke up.

 

"Congratulations on your album," he said, causing Balthazar's eyebrows to shoot up in surprise. 

 

"You know who I am?" he asked, baffled.

 

The guy chuckled. "It's your party," he said, matter-of-factly. Oh, right. It was. He'd made a speech earlier that night, and while he'd been stiff and a little awkward, he'd still had the spotlight on him. He hadn't thought people were really listening to him, but apparently this guy was. 

 

"Yeah, right," Balthazar said, ducking his head down as he laughed at himself. "I guess it is."

 

"It didn't leak early, so I've only heard the few songs you've released from it," he continued talking about Balthazar's album. "Keep It Up's pretty great. 'And it doesn't matter if either of us were sad, 'cause sadness doesn't exist in our world that I wish we had.'"

 

Balthazar couldn't help but stare in shock as this guy recited Balthazar's own song lyrics back at him. So, he'd more than just paid attention during Balthazar's introduction and speech. He actually knew who he was, and knew his music. 

 

"Who are you?" Balthazar asked. He hoped that didn't come out as rude as he worried it did. Thankfully, the guy grinned in response.

 

"Peter Donaldson," he said. He switched the beer bottle he'd been holding from his right hand to his left, then extended his newly free hand out to Balthazar. 

 

Balthazar stepped closer so he could take Peter's hand, shaking it. "You like my music?" he asked. As he dropped Peter's hand, he leaned against the wall once again, keeping a safe distance between him and Peter so he wouldn't make him uncomfortable. 

 

"My friend got an invite to this," Peter began. That question required a story to answer apparently. "She's signed to your label, too, I think. Jaquie Manders?" Balthazar nodded. He'd met Jaquie a handful of times, and she seemed like a nice girl. She mostly did acting and theater, as far as he knew, but it seemed as though she was in the process of recording an album herself. 

 

"Well, she didn't want to come alone," Peter explained. "So I said I'd be her date for the night. Her friend-date. Not an actual date." Balthazar nodded again, waiting for Peter to continue and actually answer his question, but he didn't. When Balthazar didn't say anything, something must have clicked in Peter's head. 

 

"Oh, right!" he continued. "So anyway, she told me your name and I looked your stuff up. Ended up downloading your last two EP's. You have the voice of a sweet little angel." 

 

Balthazar felt his cheeks heat up. "Oh," he said. "Um, thank you, for liking my stuff, and my voice." 

 

"How could I not?" Peter replied easily, grinning in Balth's direction again. 

 

Balth's cheeks were not cooling any.

 

It occurred to Balthazar that he couldn't say the same to Peter about liking his stuff, because he'd never seen Peter before. The name sounded vaguely familiar, like maybe he'd heard it in passing or on TV before, which was entirely possible if he was a friend of Jaquie's. He probably walked in the same industry as her, or maybe she'd just mentioned him in a conversation with Balth before. "How do you know Jaquie?" he asked.

 

"She is the Martha to my Moritz," Peter said. "We're doing Spring Awakening together right now."

 

"Ah, right," Balth nodded. That made sense. He knew Jaquie was doing the show on Broadway. It had been running for a couple months already. Balth probably would have known Peter from it if he'd gone to a show already, like he'd promised her he would. He was still planning on going, he hadn't been lying when he said he would, but he should have done it already. 

 

"For a second, I thought you were a friend from home maybe," Balthazar said. "Because, you know…" He gestured towards his own mouth, more specifically pointing out the New Zealand accent that he had, the same one Peter and Jaquie had. 

 

He'd noticed right away that Peter had the same accent, just like he'd noticed it the first time he met Jaquie. Being away from home so much, he felt like he never heard any familiar voices or accents anymore. So when he heard one, he wanted to soak it up for awhile. 

 

Peter smiled. "Yeah, yeah, suppose I could be," he said. "But, no, I didn't meet Jaquie until we started the show. It's really nice having someone from home around though, even if they're technically a stranger. Well, she's not really a stranger anymore. But you know, she was. You know?"

 

Balthazar didn't know, but he still smiled and nodded. Before Jaquie, he hadn't had any comforts from home around, and he still wouldn't say he did since he rarely saw or spoke to Jaquie. "Yeah," he said. "Honestly, I call people from home just to hear a familiar voice. I could probably listen to you talk all night just for that reason." 

 

This seemed to silence Peter for some reason, but only for a moment. "If you yearn to hear this accent everyday, you should meet Ben," Peter said. "He actually is my friend from home. We moved up here together a year ago because we both wanted to do the Broadway thing. He's actually in the show with me and Jaquie. Anyway, he never shuts the hell up. You'll feel right at home. He sounds more British than anything though, because he's not from Auckland originally. So, really, never mind. I guess you'll just have to talk to me, but I'm cooler than Ben anyway, so it's not much a loss." 

 

"Wait, he's in Spring Awakening, too?" Balth asked. "I feel like I have to go see this show now, just to support all you people from my homeland."

 

Peter laughed. "You mean you weren't already gonna see it?" he asked. "You have to, you have to come see Jaquie. And me, obviously."

 

"Well obviously I'll come see you," Balth said. 

 

Peter grinned, looking a little amused. Shit, did that sound flirty? It might have sounded flirty.

 

"And Jaquie," Balthazar added. Peter's grin didn't completely vanish, but it dimmed. Balth noticed that. "And the rest of the cast, 'cause they'll all be in it. Obviously." 

 

"Obviously," Peter repeated, then laughed. "You know when you say a word so many times, it sounds to sound really fucking weird?" He laughed again. "Obviously. Obviously."

 

"Obviously," Balth joined in. 

 

The two of them were giggling, repeating that word over and over again, when Ted, Balthazar's manager found them.

 

He sighed, sounding and looking frustrated. "Balthazar, where did you go?" he asked. "You can't just take off like that. Not at your own party!" 

 

Balthazar looked down, suddenly feeling guilty for leaving. "Sorry," he said. "Just needed some air. Bit stuffy in there."

 

Ted, who was standing in the doorway, pushed the door open even further. "Have you gotten your air?" he asked, but it didn't feel like it mattered. Balth felt like if he didn't step forward now, Ted would grab his arm and yank him inside himself.

 

"Yeah, I'm good," he said, giving Ted an assuring smile as he walked towards the door. He started to follow Ted inside, but before he let the door shut behind him, he gave Peter one last look. "You gonna be okay?" Peter seemed alright now, but he still felt a little bad leaving him alone when he was drunk.

 

Peter gave him a thumbs up. "All good over here." 

 

"Okay, um, it was really nice to meet you."

 

"Yeah, definitely," Peter said. "You, too. See you around."

 

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but when he didn't, Balthazar just smiled and walked back into the chaos. 

 

* * *

 

Balthazar was back at his hotel room two hours later. It was nearly two in the morning, and he didn't even bother showering or undressing before falling into bed. He was asleep within minutes - but he didn't sleep for long. His phone vibrated in his pocket, waking him up. Balthazar had always been a light sleeper.

 

He sat up, pulling the phone from his pocket. When he looked at the screen, he saw he had a text from Jaquie. It wasn't weird for her to text him. Though they didn't text regularly, they did on occasion. And since she'd apparently been at his party that evening - he hadn't seen her for more than two minutes, and that was only from across the room - he had almost been expecting a text from her. But not at four in the morning. 

 

_'my friend is asking me for your number. he said he met you tonight. can i give it to him?'_

 

Huh? What friend? Balthazar rubbed his eyes. His head was foggy from sleep and from all the stress of the night. 

 

_'he said to tell u it's peter donaldson'_ came a second text from Jaquie.

 

Oh, Peter. How could Balthazar have forgotten about their meeting? It had been fun talking to him, but he hadn't thought Peter would really want to talk to him again. Not that he was bothered by Peter asking for his number, quite the opposite really. It was just surprising. 

 

_'yeah, go ahead'_ Balth replied. 

 

As he waited for his phone to go off again, he stripped out of his pants and shirt so he could lay down and sleep more comfortably. There was still no text after he'd put his clothes away, so he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face. When he returned, there was still nothing.

 

He didn't know why he thought Peter would text him right away. It was late, after all. Still, Balth kept his phone by his pillow as he laid down, pulling the blankets over him as he prepared to sleep for the night. Nearly the second he'd closed his eyes, his phone went off.

 

He was glad no one else was around to see how eagerly he grabbed it.

 

The text was from an unknown number, and it simply said _'hey'_ with a smiley face emoji.

 

_'Peter?'_ Balth replied. 

 

This time, the text came almost immediately. 

 

_'obviously'_

 

* * *

 

 

"You look like you didn't sleep at all last night, Balthazar," Ted said as they sat in the car the next morning, on their way to an early morning radio show. 

 

"Well, you told me I had to stay until the very end of the party," Balthy said, a little passive aggressive, but Ted didn't seem to notice. Or he just didn't care. 

 

"You still should have gotten a few hours of sleep, at least," Ted argued. "Did you not sleep when you got back to the hotel?"

 

"I slept a little…" 

 

Maybe Balth was too quick to snap at Ted and blame him for his lack of sleep, because the reality was, he had the opportunity to sleep for a lot longer than he actually did.

 

In the end, he'd slept for maybe three hours, and that was counting the two hours he'd slept before he started texting Peter. Once him and Peter started talking, it was impossible to stop. They'd both tried to say goodnight multiple times, but had just continued texting anyway. 

 

Their conversation wasn't anything too deep. It was mostly them making bad puns at each other and asking stupid questions about the other. They talked a little about home, and realized they were both from the same part of New Zealand. They hadn't gone to the same schools, but they hadn't been too far apart. Balthazar wondered if they'd ever been at the same place at the same time before, like a school game or something. It was a fun coincidence. 

 

Balthazar also found out a little more about Peter, like that he used to be school leader, and he was a bit of a jock in high school as well. He didn't get into acting until late during his final year of high school, when his best friend Ben forced him into auditioning for the school play with him. He caught the acting bug after that, and started doing whatever he could. 

 

He was twenty, just like Balthazar, and had made the move to New York last year - which Balth already knew from their first meeting. He had gotten lucky when he auditioned for Spring Awakening, because he hadn't thought he'd actually get it. Unlike Ben, he didn't have years and years of experience doing community theater and school theater. But they both ended up with leading roles, and he couldn't be happier. 

 

Balthazar didn't know when he'd fallen asleep, just that his alarm was eventually going off and waking him up. His phone was still in his hand when he opened his eyes, and the last text in their conversation had been sent from Peter, something about Pineapple Lump milkshakes. 

 

"You look exhausted," Ted said, shaking his head. "Hopefully there'll be someone to touch you up a little."

 

"It's a radio show," Balth said, confused as to why his appearance even mattered.

 

Ted sighed, annoyed. "There will still be cameras, Balthazar." 

 

Balthazar didn't say anything else, just stayed silent the rest of the car ride. Ted talked, but Balthazar only listened. He was used to doing that lately. Other people talked at him and told him what to do and say, and he just nodded and did as he was told. 

 

There was a few moments of silence in the car, and Balth used it to check his phone. There were a few texts from Rosa but none from anyone else. He went to look back at his conversation with Peter, staring at the last text. 

 

He shouldn't expect Peter to text him again, since he'd sent the last message and Balthazar had accidentally ignored it by falling asleep. He was weirdly nervous to text him again, not quite sure what to say exactly, but he managed to string something decent together.

 

_'good morning :) sorry for falling asleep last night. hope you didn't think i was ignoring you. just tired :)'_

 

He wanted to take it back the second he hit send. Why did he put two smiley faces? Why did he write half of what he wrote? He should have just said 'good morning' and left it at that.

 

Five minutes passed with no response, and Balthazar decided that that text ruined any chance of talking to Peter anymore. _Nice job, Balth_ , he thought to himself. _You blew it._  

 

 

* * *

 

 

That afternoon found Balthazar drinking coffee, sitting in a recording studio. One of his favorite producers, Chloe was in New York for a little awhile, even though she lived in Los Angeles, and they were working on some new material. 

 

_'Baby in blue, I saw you_

_Sitting alone across the way_

_Baby you know how to_

_Flip my day upside down anyway_

_I know I just met you,_

_But I feel like there's something I should say.'_

 

"Really nice," Chloe said. "When did you think of this?"

 

"Um, I made a few notes last night," Balth said.

 

In between texts with Peter, he'd made some notes on his phone as lyrics popped into his head. Maybe he'd been inspired. He wasn't the biggest romantic in the world, and he didn't necessarily believe in stuff like love at first sight, but he could admit that since meeting Peter, he was a little… smitten with him. 

 

"I really like it," Chloe said, and Balth smiled. "Should we-"

 

Chloe was cut off by Balth's phone ringing. He looked at it, then back to her, eyebrows raised in question. 

 

"Go ahead," she said, standing. "I'm gonna make a coffee run. You want?"

 

Balth nodded, setting his guitar on the table in front of him and grabbing his phone. "Please."

 

Chloe exited the room, leaving Balthazar alone with his phone. He didn't usually get phone calls in the afternoon, since it was early morning back home. It was currently 7 A.M. and he didn't think anyone he knew would be awake. 

 

He was right, because when he looked at the caller I.D. it wasn't anyone from home. It was Peter. He picked up. 

 

"Hello?" he answered.

 

"Hey," Peter said, his voice sounding rough. He sounded like he was still half asleep, which was entirely possible considering he went to bed at the same time or later than Balth. Balth would love to just now be waking up. "Got your text."

 

"Oh, yeah," Balth said. "Sorry for falling asleep mid-sleep last night. Didn't mean to."

 

"Don't be sorry," Peter told him. "I probably fell asleep just minutes after you did. I actually wanted to say sorry, too."

 

Balth's face scrunched up in confusion. What did Peter have to be sorry about? "For?" he asked.

 

"If I said anything weird last night," Peter explained. "I got a little drunk at your party."

 

Balth had known that, but he'd forgotten by the time they started texting. He wasn't typing poorly or anything, and he didn't say anything too out of the ordinary. "No, no, you didn't say anything weird," Balth assured him. "You said all the right things, don't worry."

 

Peter let out a small laugh, and Balth smiled. "Okay, good," Peter said, sounding genuinely relieved. "People say I get a bit rambley when I drink, so. Yeah."

 

"There was some rambling," Balth said. "But it wasn't bad. I can deal with a little rambling."

 

"Good," Peter said again. "That's… good. So, um, I actually wanted to ask you something."

 

"Yeah?"

 

"You said something about missing New Zealand accents last night, right?" Peter started. "Because a couple of my friends from home are getting in today, to see me and Ben, and I was thinking you could come, if you wanted."

 

"Come meet your friends?" Balth asked, and he must have sounded a little unsure because Peter was scrambling right away.

 

"You don't have to," Peter told him. "And it's not like, a big party or anything. Just me, Ben, four of our friends from home, probably some of the cast. Jaquie will be there! You know Jaquie." 

 

"I do know Jaquie."

 

"Yeah, so you'll know her, and you'll know me," Peter continued. "Like I said, you don't have to. I just thought you might like hanging around some people from home, even if they are technically strangers. Except me and Jaquie. Everyone's really cool, I promise. It'll be chill."

 

"Are you still drunk?" Balth asked. 

 

"Huh?" Peter asked, then laughed, realizing. "Sorry, sorry, I'll shut up."

 

"No, no, you're fine," Balth assured him. "I told you, I could listen to you talk for awhile. I don't mind it."

 

"Right," Peter said, sounding a little breathless all of a sudden. "So, um, I'll text you my address. You can just let me know later if you want to come. No pressure, it'd just be cool."

 

"Yeah, I'll think about it," Balth said. "Thanks, Peter."

 

They said their goodbyes, and almost immediately afterwards, Balth got a text from Peter. He had his address now. But, did he really want to go?

 

He didn't even know if Peter actually wanted him there or not. Maybe he was just being nice. No, no, he wouldn't have asked him to come over if he wasn't wanted. _Stop trying to talk yourself out of going_ , Balth told himself. 

 

Still, he wondered why exactly Peter wanted him there. Was it because of why he'd said, because he thought Balth would like being around people from his home? Or did he want to see Balth? Was it weird that Balth secretly hoped it was the latter? 

 

The only way to know for sure was to go and find out.

 

_'what time should i come over?'_ he sent. The response came in seconds.

 

_'7! :)'_

 

Balth smiled to himself, putting his phone back on the table and reaching for his guitar again. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Is it a date?" 

 

"I don't think so."

 

"Bring condoms!"

 

"Paige, he doesn't know if it's a date!"

 

"It's not."

 

"So? Bring condoms anyway." 

 

"Paige!"

 

Balth shook his head at his two friends on his computer screen. He'd called Paige and Chelsey on Skype, just to catch up but also to ask them for help sorting out his thoughts. But they weren't helping much, unsurprisingly. 

 

"Yeah, thanks," Balth said. "I'm not bringing condoms though, Paige."

 

"He seems like a great guy though," Paige said. "Why not sleep with him?"

 

"We won't even be alone," Balth explained. "His friends will all be there. I don't do casual sex anyway, but definitely not casual sex with an audience."

 

"Go big or go home," Paige said.

 

"Go home," Chelsey said to Balth. "If it's sex in front of strangers or going home, Balthy, go home."

 

Balth nodded in agreement. He didn't think he'd be stuck with that decision though. 

 

Paige shook her head, staring at her girlfriend. "You act like public sex isn't exciting…"

 

Chelsey blushed as Paige leaned in closer, and Balth felt like it was a great time to say goodbye. "Thank you!" he said. "I have to leave in like, fifteen minutes so… You two go have fun."

 

"We will," Paige grinned. 

 

Before Balth could end the call, Chelsey spoke up, "Have fun! Tell Peter Donaldson we said hello." 

 

The call ended from their end after that, and Balth shut his laptop. He was already dressed, but it had taken him a long time getting there. Jeans and one of his sweaters. It was cold in New York, something he wasn't a fan of. Thankfully, he had enough sweaters for his trip, plus some. 

 

He had a car coming to pick him up, and now all he had to do was wait. He'd called Paige and Chelsey, hoping they could ease his mind, help him figure out whether it was a date or not. But neither of them had been help, and he still had no idea what he was walking into. 

 

* * *

 

 

His car dropped him off at Peter's building ten minutes after seven. He was already late, but he was having trouble moving his feet. He just stood anxiously outside, oddly nervous. After a couple minutes, he rang the bell. 

 

Peter didn't answer the door, and that through Balth off. "Hello," the stranger said, eyeing Balth suspiciously. "You're Peter's friend?"

 

"Um, yes," Balth answered, unsure. He wasn't the only friend of Peter's there that evening, he wasn't sure if he was being mistaken for someone or if he was expected. "I'm Balthazar."

 

"Peter!" the guy screamed over his shoulder. "You have company!" 

 

Behind the guy, Balth saw Peter appear, walking quickly to the door. 

 

"Jesus, Ben, I'm right in the other room," he said, shoving his friend to the side so he could get in the doorway. His face lit up at the sight of Balthazar. "Hey, you came."

 

"I came," Balth said, smiling back at Peter. "Sorry I'm late."

 

"What? It's barely seven, you're fine." Peter stepped aside, letting Balth enter the home. It was warm inside, a nice change from the cold New York air. "You can put your coat here…" He nodded towards the coat rack by the front door.

 

As Balth did that, Peter continued speaking, pointing towards the boy who had answered the door and was still lingering. "This is Benedick," he introduced. "You can call him, Ben, Ben the Dick, dickface. Whatever you'd like." He clapped Ben on the back, who looked less than amused at his introduction. "That's Balthazar," he said to Ben.

 

"It's nice to meet you," Ben said, looking Balth in the eyes. "He hasn't stopped playing your album all day long."

 

"Shut the hell up, Ben," Peter said, shoving Ben's shoulder as Ben took off running through the living room. The living room was empty, but Balth could see bags and jackets tossed around on the couch, chairs and floor. And he could hear a mix of voices and laughs coming from the kitchen. 

 

"It's really good," Peter said, to Balth now. Balth looked back at him, his eyebrows raising. "Your album," Peter clarified.

 

"Oh, right," Balth said. "Thanks. Did you buy it, or did you wait for someone to put it online for free? You already admitted to trying to find the leaked version."

 

Peter blushed a little as he laughed. "I bought it," he assured him. "I was only joking about looking to see if it leaked."

 

"No you weren't."

 

"No I wasn't," he admitted, laughing again. "But, I did buy it. It was worth it." 

 

Now it was Balth's turn to duck his head as he felt his cheeks warm. "I don't really care," he said. "You could have downloaded it for free. As long as you like it, that's all I care about."

 

"Nah, of course I bought it," Peter said. "I gotta support you, yeah? Kiwi pride and all that."

 

Balth laughed, nodding his head. "Yeah, yeah, of course."

 

Peter grinned, nodding his head towards the living room and kitchen. "You like Chinese food?" he asked. 

 

"I do," Balth answered.

 

"Good," Peter said. "We ordered a shit ton." 

 

Balth followed Peter through the house into the kitchen. The kitchen, like the rest of the home, wasn't very large, but they managed to fit in their group of friends. There were about fifteen people in the kitchen, either crowded around the small table, or just standing around. There was a door opened in the kitchen, that appeared to lead out into a very small, gated garden, and Balth thought he could hear people out there as well. 

 

"Everyone, this is Balthazar Jones," Peter said, speaking up so he could be heard over everyone else. "You might already know him, he's kind of ridiculously talented." 

 

Balth laughed awkwardly, not knowing how to accept a compliment like that in front of so many people. 

 

"We've met," Ben said, mouth full of food. 

 

Peter went around and introduced everyone to Balthazar, pointing at people as he said their names. He did recognize a few people. Not that he knew them personally, with the exception of Jaquie, but they worked in theater and in music, and he'd heard of them before. 

 

"These are the people I wanted you to meet," Peter said, as they walked around to the side of the table where Ben was sitting. "You've met this dick." He nudged Ben's shoulder. "But these are our friends from home."

 

First, there was John, with a mess of dark hair, who was sat reading a book and ignoring the conversation around him. Balth learned he was more than just a friend from home. He was Peter's half-brother. 

 

Then, there was Claudio, a traditionally handsome guy. He shook Balthazar's hand, in a very polite and friendly way. 

 

Last but not least, Balth met Freddie and Kit. He met them at the same time, since Freddie was seated on Kit's lap. 

 

"You know, Kit actually took me to one of your shows a couple years ago," Freddie told Balth. "Yeah, it was in Wellington. It was one of our first dates." 

 

"Really?" Balth asked, pleasantly surprised to hear that. "That's really cool. I hope you had fun."

 

"Yeah, it would have sucked if you were so bad you ruined their date," Peter joked. 

 

"It was wonderful," Freddie said. "Be nice, Peter."

 

"I'm kidding," Peter said, looking at Balth as he said this. Balth laughed. 

 

"No, he's right," Balth agreed. "If I'd been awful, you might not have had another date. I could have single handedly ruined your relationship."

 

Freddie and Kit didn't seem amused by this conversation about their potential doomed relationship, but Peter and Balthazar were laughing. 

 

"Thanks for not sucking, I guess," Kit said. 

 

"You're welcome," Balth said, still laughing a little. 

 

There were exactly twenty three people at Peter and Ben's place, yet they had ordered enough food for fifty. Balth made a small plate at first, not wanting to take too much since he hadn't paid for any of it, but Peter urged him to eat up. Once everyone started saying how full they were, and there were still dozens of untouched cartoons of food, that was when Balth went back for more. 

 

Because the kitchen was so crowded, as people sat around eating and drinking and chatting, they kind of went off into groups of their own. Some stayed in the kitchen, some wandered outside, but the group Balth was in ended up in the living room. 

 

The group consisted of Balthazar, Peter, Ben, John, Jaquie, Freddie, Kit and Claudio - all the New Zealand folks. As to be expected, with Balth, Peter, Ben and Jaquie all missing home desperately, the conversation was mostly centered around their homeland. 

 

They talked about Ben not originally being from New Zealand, but still considering it his home. They talked about how Ben and Peter met Clauo when they were just in middle school and had been best friends since, and how they met Freddie and Kit during their first year at university in Wellington. Ben and Peter had left school to come to New York that same year, but they'd known each other long enough to become close and stay in touch when they went their separate ways. 

 

They talked about how Freddie and Kit first met, which was so cute that Peter said it made him sick, but Balth could hear the fondness in his voice as he said that. They talked about how Peter first met Jaquie, at callbacks and they'd bonded over both being from New Zealand as well as once having the same crazy director back home. Apparently, Jaquie was dating him now. (There was a weird sense of relief Balth felt when Jaquie mentioned Costa. Maybe because a part of him had wondered if there was something more between her and Peter, and that wasn't a possibility now.) 

 

They talked about Balth's family and friends, and how hard it was being away from them, something Peter, Ben and Jaquie all could agree with. He told them about Paige and Chelsey, and Beatrice and Hero, and his sister Rosa, who traveled even more than he did and he didn't know how she did it. Traveling could be awful. But maybe that was just because he wasn't traveling for fun, he was doing it for work. Not that his work was't fun. Creating music and performing it was fun, but a lot of the other stuff… not so much. 

 

Eventually, Jaquie opened up a bottle of wine. Her and Freddie were the only ones who who could legally drink in New York, but that wasn't a law anyone in the room planned to follow. They could all drink back home, and that was all that was important, so they poured themselves some wine. 

 

One bottle turned to two, and then three. Slowly, people started to leave the room. Freddie and Kit had called dibs on the guest room - which Peter explained wasn't actually a guest room, it was an office that happened to have a pull out couch. They were the first to go up to bed, and after that it was like a domino effect. Ben stood up soon after and announced he was going to bed, too. He pointed at Jaquie and Peter, telling them they'd be smart to sleep soon as well since they had a show the following evening. Jaquie said her goodbyes not long after Ben, saying her cab was there to take her home. 

 

The rest of Peter and Ben's friends ventured in and out of the living room, most of them coming to say their goodbyes. By the time everyone else had left, it was just Balthazar, Peter, John and Claudio remaining. That was, until Claudio said his goodnights as well. Claudio was bunking up with Ben, something he didn't seem too excited about. 

 

"He always kicks me in his sleep," he sighed as he headed down the hall. 

 

"Sleepovers were always fun with them," Peter chuckled. "They usually ended with Ben accidentally kicking one of us, and then us kicking his ass. In a friendly way, of course."

 

"Of course," Balth said. He was a little giggly. The wine and his lack of sleep having an obvious affect on him. Luckily, Peter seemed to be just the same. 

 

"I like how you said this wasn't a party," Balth said, only half joking. "There were so many people here."

 

Peter laughed. "I said it'd be my friends, and the cast. That's exactly who was here. That wasn't technically a lie."

 

"Don't get all technical with me," Balth joked. "You tricked me into attending a party. I can't believe you. And look what you did to your poor brother."

 

Peter and Balth, who were seated next to each other on the floor, looked at the couch, where John had fallen asleep a long time ago. 

 

"He's always been a lightweight," Peter said, shaking his head at the younger boy. He stretched an arm out behind him, to ruffle his brother's hair. 

 

They fell quiet for a moment, Balthazar drinking the remainder of his glass of wine. He'd lost count of how many glasses he'd had. It just kept getting refilled when he wasn't looking, and who was he to say no to wine? 

 

"Are you staying here?" Peter asked. "Because you can."

 

"Oh, um…" Balth hadn't even thought about where he'd be staying that night. He'd planned on getting a cab, but it was late now. He thought he'd hang out for a couple hours, then leave when it was still relatively early. It was the middle of the night now, probably even close to dawn. Balth hadn't looked at the time in awhile. He honestly didn't feel like going back to his hotel, not when he felt so comfortable at Peter's place.

 

"Where would I stay?" he asked. The guest room/office was taken, the couch was taken, he wasn't sure he'd even be offered Ben's room, not that he'd accept that. No offense to Ben, but he hardly knew him.

 

"I have a bed," Peter said. Balth's eyebrows shot up and Peter must have realized how that sounded, and he started to correct himself. "I mean, I can sleep on the floor. Or in a chair, down here. If you want my bed."

 

Balth laughed. "You're a very good host, offering up your bed."

 

Peter sighed, seeming relieved that that comment hadn't scared Balth, then he laughed himself. "Yeah, yeah, Ben and Claudio used to call me an all around great guy. I guess that still rings true sometimes, as much as I hate it."

 

"All around great guy," Balth repeated. "I see that. I definitely see that."

 

"You want my bed or not?" Peter asked again, seemingly trying to change the subject from that nickname. "The offer still stands." 

 

Balth thought for a moment. Was this Peter's way of trying to sleep with Balthy? Paige had said to bring condoms. Maybe Balth should have listened. He meant it when he said he didn't do casual, but hey, shit happened sometimes… 

 

Or maybe Peter really was just being nice and Balth was being terribly inappropriate even thinking he had ulterior motives. Maybe it was Balthazar who had ulterior motives. Wine made him dirty, he shouldn't drink it around people anymore.

 

"I don't want to kick you out of your bed," Balth said, still hesitant, but he could admit to himself that he'd rather sleep in Peter's bed than go all the way back to his hotel. 

 

"Too bad," Peter said, standing up. He extended his hand, and Balth took it so Peter could help pull him up. "Come with me."

 

Balth followed Peter through the quiet house. When had it even gotten this quiet? It seemed like just a minute ago, the house had been full of life and noise. Now it was silent. 

 

Peter stopped at a closed door, pushing it open and reaching inside to flick the light switch on. The room had very little stuff in it. A bed, a desk with a laptop on it, a nightstand with a lamp and some random clutter on it like a water bottle and gum wrappers and headphones, there were some pictures on the wall. 

 

The bed, Balth noticed, was big. Not extraordinarily big or anything, but it certainly looked big enough for the both of them. Balth would feel like an asshole taking that entire bed up by himself while Peter slept on the floor, or in a small chair downstairs. 

 

"I don't want to take your bed from you," Balth said again, even as he took a seat at the edge of it. "I don't need all this room. I'm not very big."

 

"Yeah, you are quite small," Peter said, tilting his head as he looked at Balthazar. "You're all pocket sized and cute." He then put on his best Gollum voice. "My precious."

 

Balth stared up at Peter, fighting back a smile. "Wow, I was going to offer to share the bed, but I think you just compared me to Gollum, so never mind."

 

Peter jumped onto the bed next to Balth, landing on his stomach, laughing. "No, I'm sorry, I wasn't," he denied. "That was a compliment, I swear." 

 

"'Cute' was a compliment," Balth argued. "The Gollum voice ruined it."

 

Peter was still laughing. "I'm sorry, please let me sleep with you," he said. "I mean, in the bed. Next to you. That wasn't phrased very well."

 

Balth finally cracked, laughing. "Yeah, you should really work on the way you say things," he said. "I've felt both violated and insulted in the past ten seconds." 

 

Peter looked concerned for a second, worried that Balth actually felt violated and/or insulted, but seeing Balth laugh seemed to ease his worries. He grinned. "Very sorry," he said. "I'd offer to just stop talking, but we both know how much you love my voice. You said so yourself."

 

"That is true," Balth said. "Though I think I've heard enough New Zealand accents tonight, I've had my fix."

 

Peter scoffed as he kicked his shoes off. Balth did the same. "Oh, so you don't need me anymore, huh? I can just fuck off?"

 

"No, no, you're still very much wanted," Balth said. "I'd be very sad if you fucked off." 

 

"Good," Peter said. "Left or right?"

 

Balth was confused until he realized he was talking about sleeping arrangements. Balth let Peter choose, since it was his bed after all, and then he slid into the other side. He could fall asleep wherever, it didn't matter to him. 

 

The bed was big enough for them both, but they were still close enough that Balth could feel Peter's body heat. While Balth was always naturally cold, always pulling his sleeves down over his hands to warm him up and keeping himself covered up in his sweaters, Peter seemed to be the opposite. He'd noticed this earlier, too, when they'd been sitting with their shoulders pressed together. Peter was warm. Balth liked being next to him.

 

When his head hit the pillow, he realized two things. One, Peter's pillow smelled good. That was a weird thing to notice, but he couldn't help it. It smelled exactly like Peter. Whether it was his soap or his cologne, Balth didn't know, but it was nice. Two, he realized how exhausted he was. He'd already been terribly tired, and the wine hadn't helped. He'd forgotten just how tired he was while he was having fun and talking with Peter, Jaquie and all their friends, but now that he was laying down in bed, it was hitting him. He could already feel himself drifting off to sleep…

 

"Sorry if you think I tricked you," Peter said randomly, causing Balth to open his eyes. 

 

Peter was laying on his side, just like Balth was, the two of them facing each other. 

 

"Huh?" Balth asked.

 

"Earlier, you said I tricked you into coming to a party," Peter explained. "I didn't mean to. I thought of tonight as more of a… dinner party. Because there was more dinner than alcohol."

 

"You realize that's still a party, right?" Balth asked, but he was smiling. Of course he wasn't actually mad. "It was nice though. Really nice. Glad I decided to come."

 

"God, so am I," Peter said. "I wasn't sure you would."

 

"I wasn't sure at first either," Balthazar admitted. "Mostly because I didn't know if you…"

 

Abort, abort, abort. He'd said too much. He regretted drinking any of that wine, because now he was saying things he hadn't planned on saying.

 

"Didn't know if I what?" Peter asked.

 

Fuck. What did he say to that?

 

Screw it. He'd just be honest. He could blame it on the alcohol if he said anything stupid. 

 

"I didn't know if you invited me to be nice, because you thought I'd like being around people from home," Balthazar said. "Or if… you know, you just wanted to see me."

 

Peter didn't say anything right away, which made Balthazar nervous. _Fuck_ , he thought. He'd fucked up. He should have just pretended to fall asleep. Maybe he could do that now. He'd much rather have his eyes closed than be making this awkward eye contact with Peter anyway.

 

"Both," Peter said. 

 

_Oh, thank God._

 

"I thought tonight was a good excuse to hang out with you," he continued. "Is that okay?" 

 

"Very okay," Balth replied. "I was hoping that's what you'd say."

 

Peter grinned, and Balth watched his eyes flicker down to Balth's mouth. Balth might not have been the best at taking hints, or picking up on things, but he definitely knew what that meant. He inched closer, just enough to let Peter know it was okay to kiss him. And then Peter did. 

 

* * *

 

 

Despite being naked, when Balth woke up, he was warm. Maybe because of the blanket on him, or maybe because of the boy who was spooning him. Either way, he wasn't complaining. Him and Peter had eventually fallen asleep pretty late, but apparently not that late, because when Balth woke up it was still pitch black outside. He'd only been asleep for an hour or so according to the digital clock on Peter's nightstand that said it was just after six. It was too early for Balth to be awake. He didn't have any media or plans that morning, just a session with Chloe that afternoon. He could still sleep for a few hours. 

 

* * *

 

 

When Balthazar woke up again, hours later, he didn't feel as warm despite the sun shining through the window at him. He looked around the room to find that he was alone. There was no note or anything, and there was complete silence in the flat. Balthazar sat up, finding his pants and pulling them on before doing anything else, just in case he wasn't alone. 

 

His head hurt, and the sunlight didn't help, but he wasn't dreadfully ill. He hadn't been black out drunk by any means, so he remembered the night before vividly. He remembered eating a lot of noodles and rice, and drinking a lot of wine, and going to bed with Peter. He remembered that last part very well, and he was glad he did. It wasn't something he wanted to forget. 

 

He rubbed his eyes, waiting for the blurriness to go away and trying to wake up a little more before digging his phone out of his jean pockets. While there was no note or sign of Peter in the room, there was a text from him. 

 

_'had to leave for my show, really sorry for not saying goodbye. didn't want to wake you! hang around if you want. call or text when you can.'_

 

There was also about a dozen texts from both Ted and Chloe. Shit. He'd never set an alarm the night before, and he was thirty minutes late for his session.

 

* * *

 

 

Ted yelled at him when he arrived at the studio, but Chloe was much cooler about it. She didn't ask for any details until Ted had left them alone.

 

"I'd ask where you were, but I can make an educated guess," she said, winking as she gestured towards Balth's neck.

 

He brought a hand up to it, not sure what she was talking about until he touched it. He winced as he pressed on a bruise. Shit. Thanks, Peter. 

 

"Oh," Balth said awkwardly. "Didn't know that was there…"

 

"Was this the boy this song is about?" Chloe asked.

 

"What?" Balth asked. "'Stay' isn't about Peter."

 

Except, it kind of was. Balth just hadn't admitted that completely to himself yet, but apparently it was obvious. 

 

Chloe gave him a knowing smile. "Sure it's not… So, his name's Peter, huh? I've never met a hot guy named Peter."

 

"Wait until you meet Peter Donaldson," Balth said. 

 

"Donaldson?" Chloe asked, her face scrunched together in thought. "Wait, do you mean the Peter Donaldson? The one on Broadway?"

 

"He is on Broadway, yes."

 

"Okay, I stand corrected," Chloe said, putting her hands up in defeat. "You have had sex with the one and only hot Peter."

 

Balth shook his head, blushing at those words. He still couldn't believe he'd hooked up with him. Yes, he liked him. Yes, it had been a great night. But it was so out of character for him. Balthazar liked serious relationships. It wasn't that he had anything against casual sex, he just preferred being with someone he was emotionally attached to. He barely knew Peter, and he had no idea if this was just a one time thing or if Peter wanted to see him again. 

 

Balth's head felt just as foggy as it had the night before. 

 

* * *

 

 

A few hours later, Balthazar and Chloe had almost finished the new song. They still had to write a few lines for it, but other than that, it was coming along really well. If they had more time, Balth knew they could have finished it, but Chloe had other people to go see, and Balth had an event to attend that night and he needed to get ready. 

 

Before he went back to his hotel, Ted wanted to hear the new additions of the song, and Balth was happy to play it. 

 

_'I can stay, oh, and just listen to what you say_

_I can stay, oh, and sit with you all day_

_I don't mind either way_

 

_Can I steal you away for tonight?_

_If I took you by the hand, would you mind?_

_We can drink this bottle of wine_

_I can't pronounce it's name, but I'm sure it will be fine'_

 

Balth and Chloe both loved it, but Ted didn't seem as sure about it.

 

"Are we thinking this for the second album?" he asked. 

 

"Yeah, I think it's good," Balth replied, but judging by Ted's face, he felt like that was the wrong answer.

 

"We'll see," Ted said. "For now, let's get you ready. You don't look as tired today, which is good, but we have to do something about that." 

 

Balth didn't even need Ted to clarify what he meant. He knew his hickey was obvious, Chloe had already made that clear. Balth hated wearing make-up, but he wouldn't put up a fight this time. 

 

\--

 

Between his writing session and the chaos surrounding him back at his hotel, with hair and make-up people and stylists and his publicist and manager, Balth hadn't had a spare second free since he left Peter's. In all honesty, he wasn't sure what to say to him. Did he thank him for the sex? Did he ask him if he wanted to do that again? Did he tell Peter that he liked him and wouldn't mind going on an actual date? Was it even worth asking him out? It wasn't like Balthazar would be in New York much longer. He was leaving the next night, back to Los Angeles for awhile to prep for his first big headlining tour. 

 

He hated the timing of all of this.

 

In the car on the way to the movie premiere he was attending, because he'd done a song for the soundtrack, he stared at his phone in his hand. Peter hadn't texted him either, and he didn't expect him to soon, since he was on stage at the moment.

 

Or, Balth assumed he was because Jaquie had tweeted a selfie a few minutes ago of the three of them - her, Peter and Ben - and they were all in costume, with the caption 'showtime'. 

 

He decided to go ahead and text him now, to get it over with. 

 

_'hey pete, went straight from yours to a writing session. sorry for not texting sooner. last night was fun :) have a good show!'_

 

Was the smiley face too much? He hoped Peter knew he meant the entire night was fun, he wasn't talking about just the sex. He meant that, too, but not _just_ that. Was it weird to call him Pete? Was that too friendly? They'd had sex, so Balth figured he was allowed to call him by a nickname. He probably had that right now. 

 

He put his phone away, and didn't check it until later that night when he got back to his hotel after the premiere. The movie had been alright. It was a romantic comedy, not his favorite kind of film. But it hadn't been bad, and it had been exciting when he heard his song playing at the end. He'd wanted to check his phone during the after party, but he'd run into a couple people Ted had wanted him to meet, and ended up spending the night talking to them. They were young people, around the same age as him, who were also in the business, and they were nice. They made the evening a lot more tolerable than if he was secluded with Ted the entire night. 

 

When he checked his phone, the first thing he did was look for a new message from Peter. He saw that he had a missed call from Beatrice, and a few texts from Ursula and Chelsey, but the first thing he did was open Peter's. 

 

_'last night was very fun. we should all hang again. how long are you in town?'_ ' it read.

 

The first thing Balth noticed was the word 'all'. Peter wanted to hang out with Balth again, but not alone. Oh. He frowned as he texted back, _'i'm back in los angeles tomorrow night. flight leaves at 5pm.'_

 

He didn't even have time to toss his phone to the side and start changing for bed before his phone was buzzing again.

 

The text was a single sad face emoji, and then a second text came through, _'that sucks. i wanted to see you again.'_

 

Even if it wasn't a date, even if sleeping with Peter had just been a one time thing, Balth still liked him and he wanted to see him, too. Especially since he didn't know when he'd be back. He knew he'd be back in New York eventually, for the tour or for press, but he didn't know when. 

 

_'i have plans at noon, but i'm free all morning if you want to do something'_ , he sent Peter. 

 

_'i have to leave for a show at 11, so thats perfect. breakfast?'_

 

_'breakfast is great.'_

 

Breakfast plans were made, and they agreed to meet at a restaurant a few blocks away from Peter and Ben's place. Peter said it was one of his favorite places to eat, so Balthazar trusted that it'd be good. 

 

He got ready for bed, said goodnight to Peter, replied to a few texts to his friends and family, said goodnight to Peter again because they'd continued talking after the first goodnight, and then finally switched his phone and light off and fell asleep. 

 

Balthazar, for the third night in a row, didn't get much sleep. But he didn't mind much, because again, it was because of Peter. The first night he'd spent texting him, the next night he'd spent with him and the night after that he spent thinking about seeing him the next morning. He had butterflies in his stomach, and he couldn't stop wondering if this was a date or not.

 

He was still wondering if the night they slept together had been a date or not. This was a one on one thing though. It had more of a date-y feel to it. It was probably a date, right? Fuck. Balthazar didn't know. 

 

He was treating it like a date though, taking his time getting rid and making sure he looked his best. Or the best he possibly could at seven in the morning. Yeah, he had the chance to sleep in until noon, but was willingly waking up early to go get breakfast with Peter. How was he already so gone for this guy? 

 

Balthazar thought he was arriving early, since they'd agreed to meet there at eight, but when he got there at 7:45, Peter was already seated outside. 

 

"Hey," Balth greeted, taking a seat in front of Peter. 

 

A smile spread on Peter's face. "Hey," he said. "Why the hell do you look good at eight in the morning? I'm kind of annoyed at you right now."

 

Balth laughed. "I'm sorry," he said. "I can't help it. Just natural good looks, I suppose." Natural good looks and an hour of getting ready, but he didn't mention that last part. "You say that like you look awful or something. You don't."

 

Peter pointed to the sunglasses on his face. "These are covering most of my face," he said. "They make me look better than I actually do. Cooler, too."

 

"You do look pretty cool," Balth agreed, grinning. 

 

"Looks like your date showed up after all!" came a high pitched female voice as their waitress approached the table. Peter nervously rubbed at his neck. "I thought you were getting stood up, you've been waiting for so long. Good for you."

 

"It's not-" Peter started to say, then just cleared his throat and smiled. "Yeah, no, not stood up. Thank you." 

 

He was going to say it wasn't a date, Balth knew it. Balth felt something twist in his stomach. No, no, it was fine. He hadn't been certain it was a date anyway. He hadn't gotten his hopes up. Or, he'd tried not to. 

 

Balth smiled at the waitress, who was just beaming down at them. "Would you like a coffee or tea to start with?" the waitress asked, directing this question to just Balth. He hadn't even noticed Peter already had a coffee cup in front of him. How long exactly had he been there? He probably just got there early because he lived so close, and had left too soon on accident. 

 

"Coffee would be great, thanks," Balth said, and the waitress smiled at him before heading back inside to get it for him. He opened up the menu that was already there in front of him, but didn't look at it. Instead, he glanced up at Peter, who was still looking uncomfortable. Balth grinned. "Did you make friends with the waitress before I got here?"

 

"Shut up," Peter said, but it got him to smile. "I just told her I was waiting for someone. Sorry she, you know… assumed."

 

"Oh, it's okay," Balth said. How could he make it known that he wouldn't mind it being a date without it being obvious he desperately wanted it to be a date? There wasn't really a way to do that, was there? "She seemed really happy that you weren't forced to eat by yourself. I'm glad I could make her smile." 

 

Peter laughed. "I'm really happy I'm not eating by myself either. Thanks for not standing me up."

 

"Why do you always seem surprised that I show up for things?" Balthazar asked, remembering Peter seeming a little surprised when he'd shown up to his non-party the other night as well. "Do I seem like someone who makes plans and then forgets about them or something?"

 

"I don't know," Peter shrugged. "No, I guess not. I just… I don't know." 

 

Balth didn't push after that, just accepted that as an answer. Maybe Peter just doubted things, and doubted himself, same as Balthazar. So he wasn't going to ask for more, but Peter offered up a better explanation anyway.

 

"I just thought maybe you'd change your mind or something," Peter said. "After the other night, I didn't know if things would be weird."

 

By the other night, Balthazar assumed he meant them sleeping together. He didn't know what to say to that. This was the first time they'd talked about it. It hadn't come up in their texts the night before, and Balth wasn't sure how to bring it up, or even if he'd wanted to. But apparently Peter was mentioning it. 

 

"Things don't have to be weird," Balthazar said. "I don't want them to be weird."

 

"No, me neither. So… okay then. Things won't be weird. Good."

 

"Good."

 

"Should we talk about it though?" Peter asked, and Balthazar prayed that the waitress would come back quickly with his coffee. 

 

As much as Balthazar wanted this to be a date, and he wanted to see where things went with Peter, he couldn't handle awkward conversations like this. Usually, in a situation like this, he'd find an exit strategy. But he'd just gotten there, and told Peter he was free all morning. There was no escape.

 

And he didn't want to bail on breakfast with Peter, but he didn't know how to have this conversation. 

 

"Um, we can," Balth said. Peter didn't say anything, so Balthazar continued. "It was fun…" Peter nodded in agreement, a hint of a smirk on his face. "Casual things aren't usually my kind of thing though, you know, I think it was kind of a one time only thing for me…" He watched the smirk drop from Peter's face. Wait, what had he said? 

 

"Oh, right," Peter said. "Yeah, one time thing."

 

Wait, was Peter upset because Balthazar didn't do casual hook ups? Dammit. Was that all Peter wanted? Dammit, dammit, dammit. He thought they had really hit it off, and he'd really started to like Peter. And yeah, he'd done the casual thing with him once, but he was looking for more than that. Apparently, Peter wasn't. 

 

The door to the restaurant opened, and their waitress came out with a cup and a fresh pot of coffee. She sat the cup in front of Balthazar and poured his coffee, and then refilled Peter's cup as well. "Now, what can I get you two?"

 

Peter ordered what he said was his usual, and since Balthazar hadn't looked at the menu yet and didn't want to make their waitress wait or have to come back, and Peter's order sounded good, he got the same. Pancakes were always a good idea anyway. 

 

When she left, they didn't pick up where they had left off, talking about the night before and the subject switched to an intense conversation about breakfast foods. Which Balthazar was glad for. He didn't think anything more needed to be said about that night. They wanted different things, so they could just be friends. That'd be fine. It wasn't like Balthazar was madly in love with Peter or anything. It was just a mild crush that would surely go away in a few days, after he stopped seeing Peter as much. It'd be fine. 

 

Much like their text conversations, and their conversation the night at Peter's place, time slipped away from them. It wasn't until Peter got a text from Jaquie asking where he was that he realized he was running late. They'd been sat there for hours, just drinking coffee after having already finished their food and talking about random things. 

 

Balthy had wondered before if they'd ever been in the same place at the same time, and after talking about it, they realized that they definitely had been. Balth had never been a sports fan, but Beatrice and Hero had dragged him to a school football game once. And who was the opposing school? That's right. It was Peter's school. And it was their sophomore years, so Peter was still playing then. (He'd stopped playing sometime his junior year, taking up more of an interest in theater.) At some point, without even knowing it, Balth had watched Peter kick a ball around a field, and now, years later, they were eating breakfast together. 

 

"Do you believe in fate?" Peter had asked once they made this discovery. Balth felt those butterflies again.

 

"I'm not sure," Balth had answered honestly. "I've never really thought about it… Maybe."

 

"I do," Peter had said. "I think people find each other for a reason. When the universe wants two people to know each other, they eventually do. Whether it's friendship, or something more."

 

Balthazar stared at Peter for a moment before finally nodding in agreement. "Okay, you've made a believer out of me."

 

As Balthazar sat in the back of a taxi after breakfast, on his way to his writing session, he realized he might be fucked. It was definitely more than just a crush. 

 

* * *

 

 

Balth didn't see Peter again that trip. He spent a few hours with Chloe, finishing 'Stay', and then went back to his hotel to get his bags, and then went right to the airport. He did text Peter to tell him he was leaving, but there was no response since Peter had two shows that day and probably wasn't checking his phone much. 

 

He finally did get a text back the next morning though, when he was in the house that his team was renting out while he was in Los Angeles since he was there so often lately. He was laying on his bed, procrastinating his unpacking and texting with Hero when he saw Peter's message.

 

_'come the fuck back to new york soon, i demand it.'_

 

Balth smiled. _'oh well if you're demanding it, i guess i'll have to.'_

 

_'i am, i'm demanding it. seriously, when are you coming back?'_

 

He wished he knew. They were in the process of planning the tour, and he knew he'd end up having a couple shows in New York because it was such a big location. But he didn't know for sure yet. 

 

_'don't know. soon i hope.'_

 

_'you still haven't seen the show. you said you'd see it.'_

 

_'i know i did. i will.'_

 

_'you promise?'_

 

_'have i ever not shown up when i said i would?'_

 

_'i mean, you haven't shown up to a show yet so…'_

 

_'peter shut up'_

 

Peter sent the smiley face with a halo emoji, and Balthazar laughed, shaking his head at it. 

 

_'the halo emoji shouldn't be available for your use. you are the least angelic person i know'_ Balth sent. 

 

_'WOW. shocked and offended. cannot believe this slander. i could sue for this.'_

 

_'try me, donaldson. i'll sue you back.'_

 

_'for what? i've been nothing but sweet and innocent and great.'_

 

_'innocent? really?'_

 

Again, Peter sent the halo emoji. Along with a second message that read, _'the most innocent. actual angel peter donaldson. thats me.'_

 

Balthazar had felt uncertain about him and Peter after their initial conversation at breakfast. He wasn't sure what would become of them. In his mind, Peter had no interest in being serious with him, and Balth wasn't a casual kind of guy. He thought his feelings and their hook up might make things weird, even though they agreed they didn't have to be, and it would prevent them from being friends. But their conversations, both the one at breakfast and their texts, were anything but weird. Maybe they really could be friends. Balth hoped so, because his crush aside, he still did genuinely like Peter as a person. 

 

_'okay, you might be right about me not being innocent because i'm considering murder right now'_ Peter sent.

 

_'whose? wait, maybe you shouldn't tell me. i don't want to be an accessory'_

 

_'benedick… he's doing this vlogging thing for broadway. com and he won't get out of my face with it'_ Peter explained. 

 

Balth laughed. In the short time he'd spent with Ben that one night, he could easily picture this. He felt bad for Peter, who was being annoyed by this, but in the back of his mind he couldn't help but think about how fun these vlogs will be to watch. 

 

_'sorry, you're an accessory now'_ Peter sent a second later. 

 

_'alright, well, if i'm involved now i might as well get fully involved, its gonna be go big or go home,'_ Balth replied. _'tell me how i can help and let's get this done'_

 

* * *

 

 

Balthazar woke up, not for the first time since meeting Peter, with his phone still in his hand. It had been a week since he left New York, and they'd been texting or on the phone pretty much 24/7. The only times they weren't talking were when Peter was on stage, Balthazar was in a meeting or doing promo of some sort or when they were sleeping. (Balth had actually done a lot that week. It'd been very productive, especially in terms of creativity. He'd worked on a couple more songs and they had even done something with 'Stay'. Ted didn't know if they'd use it for his next album, so Balthazar had just recorded him singing it acoustically and threw it up on his Youtube channel as a little something extra. Like a thank you to fans for being so great and buying his album.) 

 

Balth had to keep reminding himself they were just friends, but that was hard with the way Peter would randomly give him compliments or just blatantly flirt with him. He'd even sent him good morning texts the past two days in a row. It was a little frustrating, if he was being honest.

 

But it wasn't a good morning text that had woken him up. In fact, he couldn't tell what had. The sun was out, but his curtains were closed and his room was still dark. His phone hadn't gone off, and neither had his alarm. As far as he knew, Ted and the couple of people he was sharing the house with were all out. He decided he didn't care what had woken him up, and fell back into bed with plans on going back to sleep.

 

Until he heard a voice. He shot up.

 

The last thing he wanted to do was leave his room to find a group of burglars in the living room, so he stayed in bed, silent and listening. Maybe it was one of his housemates. He knew they had meetings that morning, but maybe they came back early. 

 

Balthazar heard a female's laugh, and then another female voice telling her to shut up, followed by a loud thud and footsteps. This eased Balthazar immediately, because he recognized those voices anywhere.

 

He got out of bed and walked over to his bedroom door, and when he pulled it open, he came face to face with none other than Beatrice Duke. He lit up at the sight of her, but she looked annoyed as she turned to shout down the hallway.

 

"Congratulations, you all woke him up!" she shouted. Peering down the hall, Balth saw the other two mysterious non-burglars. 

 

"What are you all doing here?" Balth asked, stepping further into the hall and opening his arms to gather Beatrice, Paige and Chelsey all into a hug. 

 

"That's the greeting we get?" Paige asked.

 

"I'm sorry," he laughed. "I'm really happy to see you. I'm just surprised. How did you get in?"

 

"That Ted guy said he'd let us surprise you," Paige explained. "He left a key for us. We've been planning this forever."

 

"A week," Chelsey said, correcting her girlfriend. "We decided to come visit you when we realized you'd be here awhile. Is it okay that we came to visit?"

 

"Of course it's okay," Balth insisted. "It's more than okay."

 

Balthazar helped the three girls with their bags, showing them where they could stay. The house they were renting had a couple extra rooms, because apparently Ted hadn't been sure how many members of their team would be staying with them and didn't want to be short on rooms. That turned out to be a good thing, because now there were two extra rooms. One for Beatrice, and one for Paige and Chelsey. 

 

"Hero and Ursula really wanted to come," Beatrice told Balth as she dropped her final bag on her bed. Paige and Chelsey were still down the hall, putting their bags away and checking out their room, so Bea and Balth had a moment to themselves.

 

Beatrice, along with Hero and Ursula, was Balthazar's oldest friend. While he'd gotten very close to Paige and Chelsey during his teen years, he'd known Beatrice, Hero and Ursula since he was eleven. They'd always be his best friends. 

 

"They couldn't leave school though," Bea continued. "They send their love though. So does Rosa."

 

Deep down, Balth wished Rosa had come, but he knew she was busy. He smiled. "I'll see them all soon."

 

"You think you'll come home soon?" she asked, sounding hopeful. 

 

"Before tour starts," he told her. "Probably only for a couple of weeks though."

 

"That's better than nothing."

 

Balthazar agreed, a couple weeks at home was better than none at all, but being home all the time would be even better than that. He knew that wasn't possible given his job, but he still wished.

 

"Guess who Meg ran into the morning before we left?" Beatrice asked, referring to another one of their friends from back home.

 

"Who?"

 

"Damien," Beatrice smirked. "He said to tell you hello, and give you a hug." 

 

Balth groaned. Damien was Balhazar's ex-boyfriend. They'd broken up just after he got signed to a major label. They knew he'd be gone a lot, and long distance wouldn't work for them. More specifically, it wouldn't work for Damien. Balthazar had been willing to try. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't been heartbroken. Most of this album was about that relationship. Even though he was over it now, Damien had been his first serious boyfriend. His first love, his first everything. 

 

"Yeah, hello back to him as well," Balth said. He had no intentions of ever speaking to Damien again. He'd broken Balth's heart. They'd run into each other last time Balthazar was in Auckland, and it had been a very awkward experience. He didn't want to relive that ever again. He shook his head. "Damien…"

 

"Ew, why are we talking about that jerk off?" Paige asked as her and Chelsey entered the room, joining Beatrice and Balthazar on the bed. They all sat in a small circle, their legs crossed. 

 

"You're not revisiting the past are you, Balthy?" Chelsey asked. "I thought you'd moved on."

 

Beatrice perked up. "Excuse me?" 

 

Beatrice, though she was Balth's best friend, had yet to be informed about Peter. Not because he was keeping him from her, but because he didn't know what there was to say. He met a guy, he liked him, they hooked up, but nothing was ever going to happen with him. There was no point in mentioning it. He hadn't even told Paige and Chelsey that they'd hooked up. As far as they knew, he went to his place that night and nothing had happened besides them bonding as friends. Though, they also knew Balth was still smitten with him. 

 

"Peter Donaldson," Paige told Beatrice. "Balthy here met him and they're in the process of falling in love."

 

"Peter Donaldson from Spring Awakening?!" Beatrice shrieked. She grabbed Balthazar by the shoulders, shaking him. "You bastard, why didn't you tell me?"

 

"Why are you shaking me?" Balth asked, pulling away from his friend. "I'm sorry for not saying anything. We're not falling in love though." He looked at Paige. "We're just friends." Turning back to Bea, he raised an eyebrow. "Do you know who he is?"

 

"I love that show," Beatrice said. "I've only seen parts of it online, but Peter's such a lovely Moritz. The entire cast is fantastic. The boy who plays Melchior is a little annoying in the behind the scenes videos, but still, wonderful. I can't believe you're dating Peter Donaldson."

 

"We're not dating," Balth said, trying and failing to not sound disappointed.

 

"From the texts and everything else you've shared with me, it's so obvious he's interested," Chelsey said. 

 

"He's not interested in what I'm interested in," Balth said. "I don't think he wants a serious relationship."

 

"How do you know that?" Paige asked.

 

"Because… I told him I didn't do casual and he seemed upset," Balth explained.

 

"You discussed that?" Beatrice asked. "When did you discuss that?"

 

Balthazar knew he wouldn't be able to keep this from them. He sighed. "After we slept together…"

 

"Oh, Balthy you little slut!" Paige shouted. 

 

"Hey, this is a slut-shaming free zone," Chelsey said. 

 

"Who's shaming him?" Paige asked. "High five, mate!"

 

Balth laughed, giving Paige a high five. 

 

"You slept with him when you went to his place didn't you?" Paige asked. Balthazar nodded. "See, I told you bringing condoms was a good idea. Date or no date."

 

"How do you know he doesn't want anything more?" Beatrice asked, getting right back to the problem at hand. "Maybe you misinterpreted his reaction to you saying you didn't want casual."

 

"I don't think so," Balth said. 

 

Beatrice reached over, putting a hand on Balthazar's shoulder. "No offense, but you are the worst at reading signs," she said. He scoffed, offended. "You and Damien danced around each other for months before finally getting together because you were both too dumb to realize the other was interested."

 

"And what about Fred?" Paige asked. "You two were all flirty for like, a year but never got together because you just wouldn't freakin' talk to each other."

 

Balthazar put a hand up in defense. "Hey, but now he's dating Meg, so I think that worked out for the best."

 

No one could argue with that. 

 

"Still," Paige continued. "He only started dating her because she was bold enough to let him know how she felt, and you weren't. Just talk to the boy."

 

"Fred?" Balth asked, confused. "I'm not interested in Fred anymore."

 

"Peter!" Paige said. "Talk to Peter!"

 

"We did talk!" Balth argued. "We talked, okay? I said that was the one and only time I was doing casual, and his face told me all I needed to know. I like him, but I don't wanna do a friends with benefits thing. That's not me."

 

"Can you handle just being his friend?" Chelsey asked. 

 

Balth didn't have an answer to that. 

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, after a business dinner with Ted and the people he was working on his tour with, Balthazar and his friends gathered in his room to spend the remainder of the night together. 

 

"Did you say something earlier about behind the scenes videos from Peter's show?" Balthazar asked Beatrice. He'd remembered Peter telling him about Ben filming stuff, but he didn't think they were up yet.

 

"Yeah, but there's only two so far," Beatrice said. "You wanna watch?"

 

Of course he did. They set Balthazar's laptop up so they could all see it, and then Beatrice found the videos on Youtube for them. The first one was mostly Ben running around, shoving the camera in people's faces. Balthazar recognized most all of them from the non-party at Peter and Ben's. 

 

He had to bite his lip to suppress a smile when Peter appeared on the screen. He could feel all of his friends glance at him, trying to gauge his reaction. 

 

"Hey, Pete," Ben was saying in the video. "Pete, Pete, Pete."

 

Pete looked up from his phone, but only to glare at Ben for a moment before looking down again.

 

"You have to participate, Peter," Ben huffed. 

 

Peter chuckled, looking up again. "Or what? I'm getting kicked off the show?"

 

"Yes."

 

"You have that authority?"

 

"Indeed I do."

 

Next to Balth, Beatrice scoffed. "You see what I mean?" she pointed out. "So annoying." 

 

Back on camera, Ben had left Peter alone to film Jaquie instead, but Peter was still visible in the background. Balth could see him on his phone, smiling at the screen. Balth let himself smile, too, realizing there was a good chance it was him that Peter was texting in the video. He had been complaining about Ben's vlogging in his texts.

 

In the next video, there was just as little Peter, despite Ben's efforts. He snuck up behind Peter and Jaquie, filming them without them being aware and catching the last bits of their conversation.

 

"It's not about me though, right?" Peter was asking.

 

"It is," Jaquie said. 

 

"You say that like you know something I don't, because I know for a fact he doesn't like-"

 

"What are you talking about?!" Ben shouted, cutting Peter off and making both him and Jaquie jump.

 

"Ben, you fuck!" Peter shouted. "Don't do that!"

 

As he shoved past Ben and walked off, Ben shouted at him, "We're gonna have to censor that bit. Cheers! You're making this hard!" He focused the camera on Jaquie. "I mean, not for me, I don't edit this but for someone. Hi, Jaquie!"

 

She stared at the camera. "Hey, Ben."

 

"What were and Peter talking about?" he asked.

 

"Nothing."

 

"Were you talking about how in _looooove_ he is?" Ben asked in a sing-song tone.

 

Jaquie smirked, but didn't answer. "Get that camera away from me." 

 

The video continued for a couple of minutes, but Balthazar didn't notice what was going on. Peter was in love with someone? And why was he talking to Jaquie so seriously about it? Balth had wondered if there was something between them, but had stopped worrying when it was revealed Jaquie had a boyfriend. Was Costa the 'he' Peter had mentioned? 

 

Balth felt sick. He had no right to be thinking this much about it, or to be jealous. They were just friends. If Peter was in love with Jaquie, that was great. Good for them. It probably wouldn't work because Jaquie was with someone else, but that wasn't Balth's business. They could do whatever they wanted. He didn't care.

 

"So, you think Peter's in love with someone?" he asked the group. 

 

Maybe he cared a little. 

 

"Just because Ben says so?" Beatrice questioned. "I wouldn't trust his word." 

 

"I guess…" Balth said. He wanted to drop it, stop talking about it and stop thinking about it. But he couldn't. "You're all thinking Jaquie though, right?"

 

Paige and Chelsey groaned. 

 

"Where did you even get that?" Paige asked. "All they were doing was standing by each other. I didn't get any romantic vibes from that."

 

"This is what I meant when I said you suck at reading signs," Beatrice said. "You really, really suck."

 

Balthazar allowed the subject to change after that, as Beatrice mentioned yet again how annoying Ben was. But he couldn't stop thinking about it.

 

When Paige, Chelsey and Beatrice went to bed, Balthazar put his headphones in and watched the two videos on his phone again. The first one was nice, just seeing Peter grinning at his phone. The chances were it probably wasn't even Balthazar he was texting in the video, but Peter smiling was still a nice sight.

 

He watched the second video the most, turning the volume all the way up so he could make out what Jaquie and Peter were saying. 

 

_"It's not about me though, right?"_

 

_"It is."_

 

_"You say that like you know something I don't, because I know for a fact he doesn't like-"_

 

What wasn't about Peter? Or _was_ about him, according to Jaquie? Did Jaquie know something Peter didn't? What did she know? Who didn't 'he' like? Who was 'he'? 

 

Balthazar knew he could text Peter and ask him. Peter had just texted him ten minutes ago. It'd be easy to ask him what was happening in the vlogs. But he didn't want to seem nosy, or like he was jealous or something. 

 

He was though. He couldn't stop thinking about Ben's question, "Were you talking about how in _looooove_ he is?" and Jaquie's smirk. Was she smirking because she was the one Peter was in love with? That made sense. Balth hated that that made sense.

 

Balthazar distracted himself on Twitter for awhile, retweeting fan art, replying to someone who asked him what his shoe size was (he didn't know why they were asking, but it took two seconds to tell them, so he just did it and hoped no one went out of their way to buy him shoes or anything). 

 

He'd been trying to distract himself from Peter, but it turned out Twitter was only going to make things worse. Balthazar wasn't the best at using social media, and he didn't check it everyday, which is how he missed Peter tweeting the link to Balth's 'Stay' video.

 

But he saw it being favorited and retweeted and quoted all over his notifications now. Going on Peter's Twitter, he saw that there were two tweets about the song.

 

First, there had just been a tweet that read, 'can I steal you away for tonight? if I took you by the hand, would you mind?' with a single heart emoji. 

 

The second tweet came that same day, and included a link to the video, along with the caption: 'such a great song from the wonderfully talented balthazar jones! what a guy. @balthazarjones' 

 

Balth buried his face into his pillow, covering just how wide his smile was. He was embarrassed at himself and how just two tweets from Peter could affect him like this. 

 

He favorited both tweets, as well as a few he saw from fans getting excited about the interaction between the two. Apparently, they had a lot of mutual fans. It was kind of cute, seeing some people freaking out at the realization that Peter and Balthazar knew each other and appeared to be friends. Oh, if they only knew just how friendly they had gotten. 

 

Just moments after Balthazar had favorited the tweets of Peter's, he got a text from him.

 

_'you can probably already tell, but i really really really love 'stay'.'_

 

Balth grinned into his pillow again. 

 

_'thank you :) its the song i wrote in new york, ted didn't want it for the album but i didn't want to just throw it away so i put it up'_

 

It occurred to Balth that the reason he didn't want to just push the song to the side, was because it was the first song he'd written about Peter. 

 

_'i hate to think anything you write gets thrown away. you're so talented, i want to hear everything you write'_

 

Peter's text made Balthazar blush. Thank God he wasn't there to see it. 

 

_'stooooop i'm gonna blush'_ Balth sent, not letting Peter know he already was. 

 

_'I'm serious, you're great. whoever ur writing about is really lucky, they get the most beautiful songs written in their honor.'_

 

Oh, if Peter only knew. Balthazar was tempted to tell him that 'Stay' had been written in his honor. He didn't know how Peter didn't already know. There were some pretty obvious giveaways in the lyrics. 

 

_"Baby in blue, I saw you."_ Peter had been wearing blue the night of Balthazar's album release party when they'd met.

 

_"I know I just met you, but I feel like there's something I should say. I gotta go, but if I leave will you be okay?"_ Balthazar had literally asked Peter if he'd be okay as they said their goodbyes after meeting. 

 

_"We can drink this bottle of wine. I can't pronounce it's name, but I'm sure it will be fine."_ They'd gotten drunk off of the wine Jaquie had brought to Peter's non-party. 

 

And those were just a few of what felt like obvious lyrics to Balthazar. But if Peter couldn't tell, Balthazar wasn't going to say anything. The last thing he wanted was to make their friendship weird by telling Peter he'd written a love song for him. 

 

_'i'm officially blushing now'_ Balth sent back. It was a safe reply. 

 

Peter's response had Balth wanting to toss his phone across the room. _'thats a cute image'_ it said.

 

Balthazar knew he was bad at reading signs, he'd known this before Beatrice had even said anything, but he realized that was a very flirtatious thing to say. He had a lot of mixed feelings regarding it.

 

If Peter was in love with Jaquie, and Balthazar had himself about eighty percent convinced that he was, then it wasn't right of him to be flirting with Balthazar. Why was he doing that? To distract himself from the girl he wanted but couldn't have? 

 

It aggravated and confused him, but at the same time, he couldn't hate it. 

 

_'yeah, i am very cute'_ Balth replied. 

 

_'you definitely are.. i've missed talking to you lately. i've had like… withdrawals.'_

 

When Beatrice, Paige and Chelsey had arrived, they'd taken up all of Balth's free time. And he wasn't the kind of person to be on his phone when he had friends around him, especially not friends he never got to see. So his texting with Peter hadn't been as frequent, and he definitely felt the same way as Peter.

 

He'd see something on the streets or on TV that made him want to text Peter and tell him about it, or he'd think of a bad pun and feel the urge to send it to him. They'd known each other for such a short amount of time, but Balthazar had trouble remembering a time he didn't have this boy in his life. And he didn't want to. 

 

_'bea paige and chels leave in a couple days, and then i'll be all yours again because i have no other friends'_

 

_'lmao you poor boy. but im a great one friend to have so ur very lucky. i'm sorry your friends are leaving tho.'_

 

_'no your not, u want me all to yourself and u know it'_

 

_'you said it, not me… true though'_

 

Dammit. He'd tried not to flirt back, but he was only human. When Peter Donaldson got flirty, it was hard to resist. 

 

* * *

 

 

For once, Peter and Balthazar actually said a proper 'goodnight' to each other before they fell asleep. Usually, they fell asleep mid-conversation, but Peter had early morning interviews the next day and had to go to sleep at a decent hour. 

 

Balthazar had the next day free, and despite wanting to spend time with his friends before they left, he didn't plan on waking up before noon to do so. 

 

He hadn't planned on that, but it's what happened anyway, when Beatrice came storming into his room and hopping on his bed at eight in the morning. 

 

"Listen to this, listen to this," Beatrice said, shoving her phone in Balth's face. The bright screen hurt his eyes. 

 

"I don't want this," he moaned, pulling his blankets over his face.

 

"Ben tweeted that him and Peter had a radio interview this morning, and so I clicked the link and listened," she said.

 

"Why do you follow Ben?" Balthazar asked. He followed Ben, but he wasn't the one who claimed to hate him.

 

"So I can make fun of his stupidity, obviously," she said. "But that's really not what this is about. Now, sit up."

 

Balth rubbed his face, still feeling like he was asleep, but did as Bea told him and sat up to look at the phone. 

 

"The interview's up on the station's site, thank God, so I skipped ahead to the good part," she said, hitting a button on her phone before handing it over to Balth so he could hear it clearly.

 

The first voice he heard was an unfamiliar one, but it was American, so he quickly identified it as the interviewers. 

 

"We have fan questions here," he said. "The first one is from a fan named Ang on Twitter, and she wants to know, Peter and Ben, are you two single?"

 

"Well, Ang," Ben said. "I am in fact single. Ladies around the world, you may rejoice."

 

There was a gagging noise in the background that Balth knew had to be Peter. 

 

"Obviously, Ben is single," Peter said. 

 

As they started to playfully argue, the interviewer tried to get things back under control. "Okay, okay, Peter, what about you?"

 

Ben laughed. "Our little Petey here is sadly very single," he answered for Peter. Balth could just imagine Peter glaring at him. "But his heart is full of love for a certain someone, someone who he cannot have, isn't that right, Peter? You wanna tell the world about your crush on -" 

 

There was a loud thud and then muffled shouting. 

 

"Peter has knocked Ben out of his chair," the interview informed the listeners. "But there you have it! These two young heartthrobs are both single. One more than the other, but still single." 

 

Beatrice took the phone back at that point, looking at Balth expectantly. 

 

"What?" he asked. "I don't know how that's good about this? It just confirms the fact that Peter loves Jaquie."

 

Beatrice groaned, smacking herself in the face. "You are pathetic. This is good, because he's single! Meaning not with Jaquie. Not even in some affair behind her boyfriend's back." 

 

"I mean, that's still a possibility…"

 

"It's not! It's really not!" 

 

"All that confirmed was that he has a thing for someone but isn't with them," Balth sighed. Why did she wake him up for this? 

 

"It sounds like you," Beatrice said. Balthazar wished.

 

"It could be anyone," Balth said, and that was true. While all signs still pointed to Jaquie, maybe it wasn't her. But he knew it wasn't him. "It's not me." 

 

"You should listen to the rest of it," Bea insisted. "Because later on, he says that he thinks musical talent is very attractive. Who is more talented than you?"

 

"Jaquie's on fucking Broadway!" Balth put his hands up, defeated. "Okay, Bea, thanks for trying, but I'm going back to bed." 

 

Beatrice seemed hesitant to leave, and a little guilty, too. Balthazar could tell she'd thought that interview would somehow convince him he was the mysterious crush Peter had, but it didn't work. He appreciated her caring so much though. 

 

"Sorry, Beatrice," he said, his voice softening. "I just… I know what me and Peter are. I've accepted that we were a one time thing. He probably just used me as a distraction from Jaquie, or whoever he's in love with. And that's… yeah, that's shitty. Really shitty, because I do like him. But we're friends. We're really good friends, and we're just going to be that. I can learn to be happy with just that."

 

Beatrice avoided his eyes as she nodded, obviously not believing him when he said that. Which just went to show how well she knew him. They both knew he couldn't be fully happy as just friends, but he'd learn to deal with it.

 

* * *

 

 

Beatrice, Paige and Chelsey left a couple mornings later, and as promised, Balthazar went back to talking to Peter nearly nonstop. When he wasn't texting him, calling him, or Skyping with him, he was planning his tour.

 

Balthazar had done a couple tours before. Apart from booking small gigs around his hometown, he'd done one proper tour around New Zealand and Australia as a part of a show with other local talent. He'd been a supporting act for a much bigger band, where he got to tour other parts of the world. He'd been a supporting act on two different tours, but he hadn't been involved in much of the planning.

 

But this was his tour, and he had a lot more say than he thought he would. He got to give input on locations and dates, and he even got to choose his supporting act. That was an easy one. 

 

Zeb was from Balth's hometown, and though they hadn't known each other growing up or in school, they had met a couple of times after Balth saw his videos online. Zeb had started getting popular online from his music on Youtube, and Balth wanted to help elevate his career anyway he could. He was a really great guy, with a lot of talent, so Balthazar asked him to come on tour with him. Everyone agreed it was a great idea.

 

Zeb came to California for a couple weeks, to rehearse for his own set and also to talk to people about his own upcoming projects. Him and Balthazar spent a lot of time together, too. Just like when they'd met previously, they got along well and Balth knew it'd be a fun tour.

 

Finally, after almost two months in Los Angeles, Balthazar was going home. The tour was nearly ready to begin, aside from a few things that he wasn't directly involved in. In two weeks, he would be starting his tour. The tour began in New Zealand, so not only did he get to spend time at home, but his entire family and all his friends would be at the first show of his headlining tour. He was in a really good place as his plane landed in Auckland. 

 

While he was home, the one and only downside was he didn't talk to Peter as much, due to the time difference. They still talked every night though, so Balthazar wasn't going completely without him. It was alright though, because he needed the time with his family.

 

Everyday was spent reminiscing with Rosa and his other siblings, laying around his house and watching old movies with his parents. Him and Hero spent an afternoon baking, something he'd never been great at but enjoyed nonetheless. Hero's cookies tasted a lot better than his, but that was okay. Beatrice sat down with him and together they bingewatched all the shows he hadn't time to catch up on lately. That took almost one whole week, but it was worth it. He third wheeled on a date with Paige and Chelsey, just like old times when they used to double date. (They teased that maybe next time they all went out together, Peter would be with them. He ignored that comment.) 

 

He had coffee with Meg and Fred, who broke the news to him and the others that they were engaged. Hero cried tears of joy, and Balth held her hand. He promised he'd be there for the wedding. Ursula showed him her new camera and told him all about school. She said she was thinking of transferring to a film school in New York, and he told her he should do whatever made her happiest. Deep down, he loved the idea of having her in New York. Even if he was mostly in California, New York was a lot closer than New Zealand, and just having her that much closer would make Balth happy. 

 

The time off had been just what he needed, and he gave his family and friends credit for the first show of the tour going off without a hitch. He'd been relaxed and at ease, not worrying about anything, just enjoying playing music for a crowd full of his favorite people. 

 

Soon after that show though, he was saying goodbye to his family and friends once again. Beatrice was already making plans to come visit him during tour, and he told her he'd make sure it happened. 

 

After New Zealand, he was off to Australia, and then it was back to America. It was funny, as a little boy Balthazar never thought he'd leave Auckland. Let alone go to America. And now, he spent more time there than he did at home. It was kind of sad, too. 

 

* * *

 

 

_'is it weird I'm watching videos of your concerts on youtube?'_

 

_'weird? i don't know. depends on what you're doing while you watch them…'_

 

_'excuse u. I'm just admiring ur talent.'_

 

_'okay then no, thats not weird. dont get tired of me though, or you're not going to enjoy the concert when you see it yourself in 2 days'_

 

_'trust me, i could never get tired of u'_

 

Two days. Balthazar couldn't believe that finally, in just two days, he'd be able to see Peter in person again. Less than two days really. He got to New York on Monday night, and his concert the next night. Peter was planning on coming to the concert, so Balthazar would definitely see him then. But, he was hoping to see him even sooner. Tuesday morning, hopefully. Maybe even Monday night if at all possible. 

 

The tour had been incredible so far. He'd sold out all of his shows, which had shocked him, but also pushed him to do his absolute best every night. America had been fun, and he went to a lot of places he'd never even heard of before. But now he was in New York for four whole days, and he was so glad to be back there. 

 

* * *

 

 

Balthazar was out of the airport and checked into his hotel room by nine on Monday night. The first thing he did was text Peter.

 

_'call me when you're done with the show :)'_

 

Balth took a shower, and was digging through his suitcase for something to wear when his phone rang.

 

"Hello?" he answered.

 

"You're in New York!" Peter said in greeting.

 

Balth smiled. "I am," he said. "Got here about an hour ago. How was your show?"

 

"Great, it was great, I'm still in costume," Peter said. "Let me change and then let's hang out. If you want. You're probably tired."

 

He was pretty tired. "I'm not," he lied. "Come hang out, please."

 

"We can't really go to a bar or anything, so should I just come to you?" Peter asked.

 

"Yeah, sure," Balth answered. "I'll text you my room number and everything."

 

"Awesome. I'll be there as soon as I can. Literally moving at the speed of light here."

 

"Well give me time to get dressed first," Balthazar laughed. "I just took a shower."

 

He swore he heard Peter take a deep breath in. "You've been naked this entire time?"

 

"No… I have a towel."

 

There was a pause before Peter spoke again. "Put some clothes on, you inappropriate little shit. I'll see you soon, Balthy."

 

Balth hung up, and then sent Peter a text with the name and address of his hotel along with his room number. Then he dug out some clothes to put on. His hair had already mostly dried, and he just ran his fingers through it to give it a little style. He'd just washed it, he wasn't going to put any product in it already. 

 

As Balthazar sat on his bed, browsing the room service menu, a thought crossed his mind. Would something happen between him and Peter? This felt much too similar to a booty call. Peter just showing up at his hotel late at night. Not that Balth had ever had a booty call before. He assumed this would be what they were like.

 

He'd almost convinced himself he only liked Peter as a friend, and he'd really done his best to flirt as little as possible, knowing nothing real would come of it. But when they were face to face, alone in a room together… anything could happen. 

 

He knew Peter didn't have any feelings for him, but they'd already had sex once. So Peter was probably attracted to him on some level, and who knew if that was still there or not? He didn't have to be in love with Balthazar to want to sleep with him. 

 

It was just over half an hour later when there was a light knock at Balthazar's hotel door. He eagerly hopped off of the bed to answer it. As nervous as he was, he was equally as excited. 

 

"Hey," he said, smiling as he opened the door to find Peter standing there. 

 

"Balthy," Peter said, stepping forward and wrapping Balthazar in a hug which Balth happily returned. 

 

Balth took a step back to let Peter inside the room, shutting the door behind him. "Sorry I took awhile," Peter said. "I was covered in make-up and stuff, had to wash it off. I also stopped to get this." He held up a grocery bag. "It's wine. Ben just had his birthday, so I had him run in and get it for me, because you know, this country has weird age limits. It's the stuff we had last time. You liked it, yeah?"

 

"Yeah, yeah," Balth nodded. "I did." 

 

The wine gave Balthazar mixed feelings. On one hand, he knew if he drank too much, he'd get drunk and could easily end up sleeping with Peter again. On the other, he couldn't stop thinking about how sweet it was that Peter had remembered the wine they'd had together the time before and made a trip to get it. 

 

It was almost romantic. Except that it wasn't, and he had to remind himself of that. 

 

They decided to order room service. Balthazar had realized at the start of the tour that stuff like room service and other hotel fees were covered, and not something he had to worry about. He didn't take complete advantage of this, by ordering the most expensive foods or getting massages in his room or anything. He honestly felt a little guilty at first ordering a pizza up to his room, but Ted told him he was allowed to order meals. He was expected to. He was a human who ate. So he stopped feeling bad about it, but he still never ordered anything too expensive. 

 

Balth's room just had one bed, so the two of them squeezed together to sit and eat once their food arrived. They ate, Peter opened and poured the wine, Balth told him stories from the road that he'd neglected to already share, Peter told him stories from backstage, and they made fun of the bad horror movies that were playing on TV. 

 

"That's you," Peter joked, pointing at a disgusting looking zombie on the TV. Their food was gone, and their plates had been pushed to the side. The bottle of wine had just been emptied into their glasses, and they were holding them, laying back against the pillows. 

 

The zombie on the TV took a bite out of a girl's throat. "That's you," Balth retorted, pointing to the girl. 

 

Peter whined. "You killed me."

 

"Because you were mean," Balth said, turning his head to the side to look at Peter. "You probably deserved it. When you're an asshole, you get your throat ripped out."

 

Peter let out a loud laugh, and he brought a hand up to his face to cover his mouth. Balth stared at him, a fond smile on his face.

 

"Life lessons with Balthazar Jones," Peter laughed. "Be nice… or you die… you dice? Nice or dice?"

 

"No," Balthazar shook his head, which only made Peter laugh harder. "No, let's not go with that. What does 'dice' even mean?"

 

Peter continued to laugh. "You know, you dice things. You cut 'em up."

 

"Huh. Maybe 'nice or dice' does work. Sorry for my initial rejection."

 

Hours passed just like that. They made fun of movies, they made fun of each other, they ordered cake from room service.

 

"Can we eat this like a married couple?" Peter asked. 

 

"Do married people eat cake differently than single people?" Balth asked, confused. This was hilarious to Peter, who had to take a moment to compose himself after he started laughing.

 

"No, you know," Peter said, still giggling to himself. "They do the thing, they smash cake in their spouse's face."

 

Balth leaned away from Peter. "You're not putting cake on my face."

 

"You're no fun," Peter frowned. 

 

They ate the cake like normal people, and Peter was laughing again in less than a minute. 

 

* * *

 

 

One minute, Peter was laughing hysterically over a pun Balthazar made about chocolate cake, and Balth left him alone to collect himself as he went to the bathroom. When he came back, Peter was out cold. The boy had had a lot of wine. 

 

Balthazar hadn't thought about sleeping arrangements. He'd assumed Peter would hang out for awhile and then go back to his place, since it wasn't very far. But now that Peter was asleep, he wasn't going to wake him up.

 

He had to choose his next move wisely. Did he curl up in the chair? Or did he lay down next to Peter? 

 

The chair. It had to be the chair. As much as he wanted to sleep next to Peter, Balth couldn't do that to himself. Wanting something he couldn't have was already bad enough. Why make it worse for himself? Since Peter wasn't even using the blankets, just laying on top of them, Balth was going to take one of them for himself. 

 

He tried to be as gentle as he could, pulling the blanket off of the bed and out from under Peter. But he wasn't gentle enough.

 

Peter mumbled something that sounded like "What are you doing?" Balth wasn't sure though. 

 

His words weren't clear, but his actions sure were. Peter reached an arm around, making a grabby hand at Balth. Fuck. Well, he couldn't say no to that. Balthazar climbed into the bed. Now that Peter was awake, he was able to at least pull the blankets down so they could both get under them. Then he laid down and let Peter wrap an arm around him, cuddling into him. 

 

Peter rested his head on Balth's chest, and Balth could hear the happy little sigh he let out just before he fell back asleep. 

 

* * *

 

 

It sounded like Peter was trying very hard to be as quiet as possible, but he still woke Balthazar up the next morning. He ignored the sounds of Peter moving in and out of the bathroom, and actually managed to fall back asleep to the sound of the shower running. But it was hard to sleep through the sound of Peter talking to someone at the door.

 

Balthazar sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

 

"You're awake!" Peter said. "Hey! I ordered food, hope that's okay."

 

Balthazar nodded, still half asleep. 

 

"Cool," Peter said, setting the tray of food on the bed. "Um, here's this, too." When Balth looked up, Peter was handing him two white pills and a glass of orange juice. "In case you're hungover."

 

Balth had to smile at that. "Bless you," he said, his voice scratchy. He took the aspirin and chugged half the glass of juice before speaking up again. "How long have you been up? You showered."

 

"Oh, yeah, I did," he said. "I hope it's okay I used your shower."

 

Balth shrugged. "Not technically mine… so it's okay. How long have you been awake?" he asked again.

 

"Not long," Peter answered, sitting down next to Balthazar. "Maybe an hour. It's only nine."

 

"Early," Balth said. 

 

"It's not that early," Peter chuckled. "Just early for you, because you sleep until noon everyday."

 

"Why do I hear judgement in your voice? Like you don't sleep way later than that when you can." 

 

"You can't prove that," Peter said. He pulled the lids off of the plates, revealing two stacks of pancakes, covered in syrup and fruits. Balth's stomach growled at the sight. "Eat up, Balthy Balth."

 

They ate mostly in silence, since Balth was still half asleep and waiting for the aspirin and the pancakes to rid him of his headache. He drank his coffee, and then eyed Peter's cup, which only had one or two sips taken from it, until Peter handed it over and Balth drank it, too. After they'd eaten, Balthazar felt much more alive.

 

They cleared the tray off the bed, and Balth stretched out on the bed, laying on his back and staring up at Peter who was sitting beside him with his legs crossed. "What are you doing today?" he asked him.

 

"I dunno," Peter answered. "No show today. Maybe just… hang out with you?"

 

He asked like he was unsure of what the response would be, as if Balth would ever say no to hanging out with him. 

 

"Cool," Balth said, smiling up at him. "I have soundcheck and a meet and greet at two. But I'm yours until then."

 

Balth felt something twist in his stomach as he looked up at Peter and watched the expression on his face change. It was the same look he gave him right before he kissed him last time. Balth swallowed hard, as Peter's gaze flickered from Balth's eyes to his lips. "All mine, huh?" Peter asked.

 

Balth opened his mouth to respond, then shut it again. On instinct, as soon as he saw Peter leaning down, he closed his eyes. Their lips had just barely brushed when Balth realized what was happening and sat up, pushing Peter away. 

 

"What are you doing?" he asked, keeping his hand up to keep Peter from leaning in again.

 

Peter looked terrified. "Um, I was… kissing you? I was trying to kiss you. I thought-"

 

"No, no, you can't," Balthazar shook his head. He was such an idiot. He knew what Peter wanted, and he knew that being alone with him in a hotel room was a bad idea. Nothing had happened the night before because Peter fell asleep, but now that they were both wide awake and right there, of course Peter made a move. Of course he thought Balth would let him. He'd thought the night before that it felt like a booty call. Maybe that's what it had been to Peter.

 

Was that all he was to Peter? Someone fun to flirt with, someone to hook up with, someone to distract him from the person he actually wanted but couldn't be with? That wasn't fair. Balth stood up, prepared to walk out of his own hotel room to get out of the situation he'd landed up in. 

 

"You can't do that, Peter," he told him, his voice more stern than it had ever been. "I'm not just going to let you use me!"

 

"Use you?" Peter questioned, confusion evident on his face. "Use you for what? I would never use you, Balthazar."

 

"Whatever," Balth said. Obviously Peter would say that. Who would admit to using someone to their face? "I'm not doing this. You should go."

 

"Balthazar, wait," Peter pleaded. "I'm sorry for trying to kiss you. I know you said it was just a one time thing, but I was hoping-"

 

"Hoping I'd want to sleep with you one more time?" Balth cut him off. "Well, I don't. Please, go, Peter!"

 

Peter didn't move at first, just stared desperately up at Balthazar before finally standing up, grabbing his shoes and coat and leaving.

 

Balth stood there for a moment, not moving, before finally falling back onto the bed. What the hell had just happened?

 

 

* * *

 

 

"He admitted to wanting another casual hook up with you?" Beatrice asked a few hours later, after Balthazar had called her to tell her everything that was happening. 

 

Balthazar was sitting in the corner of his dressing room, sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall. His soundcheck and meet and greet was in a few minutes, but he had to talk to Beatrice first and try to clear his head and make sense of things. His room was full of people, so he'd gone off to sit in the corner to be alone. 

 

"More or less," Balthazar said. "He said he knew it had been just a one time thing for me, but he was hoping to do it again."

 

"And what did you say?"

 

"I told him I didn't want to sleep with him."

 

"Why did you lie?"

 

Balth sighed. "I don't want to sleep with him," he insisted. "Not in a casual way anyway."

 

"Tell him that," Beatrice suggested.

 

"I can't do that," Balthazar said. 

 

"Why not? Because it'll ruin your friendship? Balth, him trying to sleep with you might have already done that. You have nothing to lose."

 

She did have a good point.

 

Ted was standing in front of Balthazar, waving a hand in front of him to get his attention. Balth said goodbye to Beatrice, promising to let her know what he ended up doing, and as he was rushed out of his dressing room and through the arena, he checked his messages one more time. Still nothing from Peter.

 

If Peter wasn't going to text Balth, then Balth wasn't going to text him either.

 

 

* * *

 

 

There was one hour until showtime, which was when they had planned for Peter to arrive to hang out backstage. He didn't show up.

 

The show ended, he went back to his hotel. Peter hadn't texted him once. As far as he knew, Peter never came to the show.

 

It wasn't until later on Twitter that he saw Peter had been there. He saw people mentioning him in tweets that had fan photos of Peter attached. _'I met Peter Donaldson at Balthazar Jones' concert tonight!!!!'_ read one of the captions, then there was a selfie of Peter and a female fan. Balthazar favorited it. 

 

Balth went back to stare at the last messages he and Peter had exchanged, just staring at them for a few minutes, working up the courage to finally send something.

 

_'hope u enjoyed the show.'_

 

The text he got back was almost instantaneous, and had nothing to do with Balth's original text.

 

_'I'm sorry for trying to kiss you, do you hate me?'_

 

_'could never'_

 

_'good. thanks.'_

 

_'am i still invited to your show tomorrow night?'_

 

_'yes please'_

 

_'okay. i'll see you. goodnight.'_

 

_'goodnight :)'_

 

It was perhaps the shortest exchange they'd ever had, but Balthazar felt okay at the end of it. Maybe Beatrice had been wrong, and them almost kissing wouldn't ruin the friendship. If that was true, then maybe telling Peter how he felt would be stupid. 

 

Or maybe this just proved it didn't matter. If they could come back from Peter making a move on him, maybe they could come back from Balthazar falling in love with Peter, too. 

 

* * *

 

 

Balthazar had promised both Jaquie, Peter _and_ Benedick that he would go see Spring Awakening while he was in New York. Since he really had no idea when he'd be back this time, he took the chance to go see it. He had another New York concert the next night, and then a flight just a few hours after it was over. So he was spending his one and only free night going to see the show.

 

He spoke to Peter briefly beforehand, just on the phone. They weren't awkward exactly, but not as comfortable as their conversations usually were. They just made sure their plans were all situated, and Balthazar knew where to go to get his tickets and where to meet him afterwards, etc, etc.

 

He went by himself, but it was by choice. Chloe was in town, and he'd almost invited her, but it was easier to come alone. He didn't want to just abandon her afterwards so he could go talk to Peter alone. But it was fine. Balthazar never really minded being by himself, not when it was by choice. He liked being alone, not lonely. There was a difference.

 

Just as Balth went to turn his phone off, Peter sent him a selfie of him in full costume and make-up. Balthazar smiled to himself before putting his phone away.

 

Balthazar had never seen a musical live before. Or at all, really. He'd seen Grease, and High School Musical, but he'd never been a huge fan of the genre. Spring Awakening was incredible though. Maybe he was biased, he could admit that, but he knew that wasn't the only reason he loved it so much. He _might_ have cried during 'Those You've Known'. (He did.)

 

After the show, Balth was let backstage because Peter had let people know he'd be coming. When he showed up at Peter's dressing room, the door was open. Peter had his pants off, and his button up shirt hanging open. Balthazar stood in the doorway, not moving any further or saying anything until Peter spotted him.

 

It took him a moment, occupied by his reflection in the mirror as he worked on his hair, but then he must have noticed Balthazar's reflection and he turned around. 

 

"You scared me," Peter said, laughing at himself. "Come in." 

 

Balthazar walked inside, and he shut the door behind him. 

 

"Sorry I'm half naked," Peter said, reaching for a pair of jeans that were draped over a chair in his room. "I was trying to get out of costume before you got back here. Wasn't quick enough, I guess. You can sit." He nodded towards the chair, so Balthazar took a seat.

 

"You're not talking?" Peter asked.

 

"No, I am," Balthazar said. "Sorry. Um, not sure what to say."

 

Peter fiddled awkwardly with the tie that was dangling loosely around his neck. "Yeah," he said, before clearing his throat. "You like the show?"

 

"It was amazing," Balth replied sincerely. "The songs were beautiful. Your voice… I didn't know you could sing like that."

 

Peter laughed. "That's kind of a requirement for this role."

 

Balth looked down, laughing at himself. "No, I know, I just… I dunno. You were great. I was blown away."

 

"Thanks," Peter said, smiling down at Balthazar. The room was silent for a moment before Peter spoke again. "Uh, I'll get dressed. And we can… go out? Or something? Or maybe we should…"

 

"We should talk," Balth said, agreeing with the last option before Peter even had to say it. "I'm leaving tomorrow night, and I don't want to leave things weird." 

 

Peter nodded. Balth sat there and tried not to stare as Peter pulled on his jeans and ditched the tie and the button up for a t-shirt. Instead, he stared at his hands in his lap and tried to stop himself from talking himself out of this. He had to tell Peter how he felt. He'd weighed the pros and cons, and it just made so much more sense to say something. Beatrice was right, what did he have to lose? Other than his pride, of course. 

 

Peter pulled over the chair he had sat in front of his mirror and set it in front of Balth, so that they could face each other. Balth still had a hard time looking up at Peter though. 

 

"I feel like I should start by saying sorry again," Peter began nervously. It seemed like he was having trouble making eye contact, too, and was instead picking at the fabric of his pants. "So, I will. I'm sorry for kissing you."

 

"It's okay," Balthazar said.

 

"It's obviously not. You said I was just a one time thing, and I should have kept that in mind." Balthazar finally looked up, meeting Peter's eyes. He was confused, all he could do was stare at Peter. When the hell had he said Peter was just a one time thing? "I'm sorry," Peter said again. "I shouldn't have made a move. I knew better."

 

"I never said you were a one time thing," Balth said. 

 

Now it was Peter's turn to stare at Balthazar, confusion all over his face. "Yeah, you did say we were a one time thing," he said. "You said that casual things aren't usually your kind of thing and that it was a one time only thing for you. Trust me, I think about that conversation every fucking day."

 

Oh… _Oh_. Everything suddenly made so much sense. Why Peter had seemed upset after Balthazar said he didn't do casual, the flirting, Ben saying Peter thought his crush was someone he couldn't. Peter was never upset about Balthazar not wanting to do casual hook ups. He was upset because he thought Balthazar only wanted to hook up with him that one time. God, they were bad at communicating. 

 

"You aren't in love with Jaquie, are you?" Balthazar asked. 

 

The look on Peter's face was enough to confirm that Balthazar had been worried about nothing. "Jaquie?" Peter questioned. "Where the hell did you get that?"

 

Balthazar laughed. "I'm an idiot."

 

"What? No, you're not."

 

"So are you."

 

"What? Fine, then you are an idiot."

 

Balth laughed again. "I didn't mean you were a one time thing," he explained. "I meant that having a random, one night stand was a one time thing for me."

 

A look of realization spread on Peter's face. "That is not what I thought you meant… So, wait… you do like me?"

 

"God, you have no idea," Balth admitted. "I have an entire albums worth of love songs about you already."

 

"I would buy a million copies of that album," Peter said, his face completely serious. 

 

Balth grinned. "I wouldn't make you pay."

 

Peter's hand found it's way to Balth's knee, his fingertips lingering there, like he was waiting for Balthazar to push them away or acknowledge it at all. He put his hand on top of Peter's. 

 

"You really thought I didn't like you?" Peter asked. "I very obviously did."

 

"The flirting was kind of obvious, looking back on it, but I just didn't see any other signs. Mostly because I thought you were using me to get over Jaquie or something."

 

"Okay, you really have to explain where that came from," Peter said, but Balthazar only laughed. He'd explain it eventually, but there was something else he'd rather do. 

 

"I will, but right now… please try to kiss me again."

 

"Are you sure? Because last time I tried to kiss you-"

 

Balth laughed again, cutting him off. "Peter," he pleaded. "Kiss me." 

 

Balth was prepared to tell him for a third time, but luckily he didn't have to, because Peter leaned in, pressing his lips to Balthazar's. This time, Balthazar didn't pull away. 

 

He heard voices out in the hall, but they were in a theater post-show. He didn't think much of them, and honestly, was too focused on Peter's mouth to pay much attention. That was, until Ben burst through the door, vlog camera in hand.

 

"Oh no! Peter Donaldson! This is a kid friendly video blog, what do you think you're doing?" he shouted. 

 

Peter got up to chase Ben out of the room. "Fuck off, dick!"

 

He slammed the door shut behind him, but they could hear Ben in the hall yelling, "That entire clip is going to have to be censored! At least keep it PG-13, Peter!"

 

Peter and Balth laughed. Balth smiled fondly at Peter, who was shaking his head, a little embarrassed by his friend's interruption.

 

"Think they'll upload that?" Balthazar asked.

 

"They didn't upload me threatening to shove a microphone up his ass," Peter said. "But they uploaded me shoving him and calling him a 'fuck'. Who knows where this falls on their inappropriate scale?" He sat back down across from Balthazar. "Do you care if it gets uploaded?"

 

"No, it's okay," he said. Balthazar wasn't necessarily a public person, but he made a living singing songs about his personal life. People would find out one way or another about him and Peter. It didn't bother him if people knew. "Do you care? Because you could probably tell them not to put it up…"

 

Peter shrugged. "Let 'em put it up," he said. "We're pretty cute, I think."

 

"We?" Balthazar asked, grinning. "Is there a we now?"

 

"Do you want there to be a we?" Peter asked, and it was crazy to Balthazar how unsure he sounded. Had his feelings always been this obvious? Just how blind had Balthazar been?

 

He answered in the best way he thought possible, by leaning forward to kiss Peter again. "Obviously."

 

* * *

 

 

_'I don't think its always me who cannot see_

_I thought you'd notice what caused this change in me_

_And that you'd understand what made me drop my head_

_The connection between this and what you said_

 

_But I can't say these things darlin', When you're here_

_It wouldn't be right darlin', no it wouldn't be fair_

 

_If I didn't love you_

_You may say I'd be better off, hurt less and be okay_

_But thats not what I want, I wouldn't have it any other way_

 

_I'm gonna be questioning the reason and rhyme to this line_

_All I really want, is to kill some time with you_

 

_I'd rather unrequited love than none at all_

_The last thing that I want to see is you to fall'_

 

"The most beautiful song I have ever heard," Peter said as Balthazar exited the recording booth. Balthazar smiled, thanking him with a kiss. "Really weird to hear you refer to your crush on me as unrequited though." 

 

"I thought it was at the time!" Balth said in defense. "And you thought yours was unrequited, too, so shush."

 

"If you two wanna stop being in love for a minute," Chloe said. "Balth, it's perfect. I think that one's all ready, but we'll decide for sure when you come back. What time's your flight again?"

 

Balth looked at his watch and then at Peter. "Shit, soon. We better go pick up Ben and go." 

 

Tour had come to an end a couple months ago, and it was a little bittersweet for Balthazar. His first headlining tour around the world, it had done well, and he had had the time of his life. But he was definitely excited about heading home for awhile. He had a second album to finish, though he had all the songs written already. It was just a matter of finishing up recording. But that could wait a few weeks, because he had made a promise to Meg and Fred that he'd be at their wedding. He wouldn't let them down.

 

It was a beautiful December wedding, set on the beach. At the reception, Balthazar shared a table with Peter, Beatrice, Hero, Paige and Chelsey. Ben was with them, as well. While Peter's friend Freddie had been a fan of Balthazar, Balthazar's friend Fred had been a fan of Spring Awakening. So when Balthazar mentioned that Ben was flying out with Peter to spend some time at home now that the show was over, and that maybe he'd like to come to the wedding, Fred and Meg quickly found a spot for him. Beatrice claimed to hate it, but she sucked it up because it was her friends' special day. 

 

"No offense, but why did they not hire you, their friend and also the most talented person alive, to sing?" Peter whispered in Balthazar's ear as they sat, watching Meg and Fred have their first dance. "Are you too expensive?"

 

"Yes," Balth replied. "You have no idea how much I'm worth."

 

"Trust me. I do." Peter grinned, leaning in to peck Balth.

 

"Stop being cuter than the couple that just got married," Paige whispered from across the table.

 

Balth smiled before pulling away from Peter and focusing again on Meg and Fred. Or focused on them as much he could. Peter's hand on his thigh was distracting. 

 

* * *

 

 

Too many glasses of wine later, Peter and Balth wandered out of the tented reception area and down the beach. Balth had a tight grip on Peter's hand, letting his boyfriend guide him. Being focused on not tripping over his own feet or on any of the rocks, he didn't see what was directly in front of him, but Peter did. 

 

Peter gasped and stopped in his tracks, causing Balth to nearly walk right into him. He grabbed onto Peter's waist with his free hand to steady himself, and peered around him to see what was there.

 

Apparently Balth and Peter hadn't been the only two with the idea of sneaking off to kiss by the beach. Beatrice and Ben were there, and she had him pressed to the ground, spread out in the sand as they kissed. 

 

Peter laughed, but turned around, gesturing for Balth to go back the way they'd came so they would't disturb the two of them. 

 

"You see that coming?" Peter asked Balthazar once they were further down the beach. 

 

"Kind of," Balth laughed. "She always said how annoying he was. Maybe that wasn't actual frustration she felt towards him, just…"

 

"Sexual frustration?" Peter asked, quirking an eyebrow.

 

"Exactly." 

 

Peter took a seat in the sand, and Balth followed suit, sitting down beside him. He was a little wobbly, and sat a lot closer than he intended, but Peter's grin was genuine and bright when he looked at him, so Balth didn't scoot over. He just reached for Peter's hand and held it, as their shoulders and sides and legs all pressed together. Peter's head fell on Balth's shoulder and he sighed. 

 

"Good wedding," he said.

 

"Really good," Balth agreed.

 

"Would have been better if you sung though," Peter said. "You make everything like, a million times better. Weddings, concerts… just life in general."

 

Balthazar pressed a kiss to the top of Peter's head.

 

"Like, you know how we went for groceries last week?" Peter asked.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"That would have been so boring without you. But it wasn't. You got into the trolly and I pushed you around and covered you with boxes of cereal, and we got yelled at because you're apparently too big to be in there - that was rude, by the way. You're cute and small. Anyway, that was fun. We tricked that lady into giving us a dozen free samples of those sausages, and you yelled at me for eating grapes as we walked around."

 

"I didn't yell at you, but come on, they weren't clean yet, Peter."

 

"You yelled a little, but it's okay though, because I liked it. I liked you scolding me for eating dirty grapes."

 

Peter tilted his head up so he could look at Balthazar. The look in his eyes took Balth by surprise - it always did. He'd never get used to the way Peter looked at him. It gave him butterflies each and every time.

 

"I didn't scold you, I was trying to-" Balthazar stared before Peter cut him off with a kiss.

 

Balthazar kissed him back at first, but then he pulled away. "Don't do that, I have important things to say."

 

Peter laughed. It was loud and right next to Balth's ear, but Balth smiled anyway. "I know you do," Peter said. "Sorry. What were you saying? You were lying about not scolding me?"

 

"I didn't scold you," Balthazar said again. "I was trying to look out for you. Excuse me for caring."

 

"You're excused," Peter said. "Let me eat my dirty grapes in peace though."

 

Balthazar sighed in agitation. "Dammit, Peter. I'm not going shopping with you anymore."

 

"Oh, fine, if you're going to threaten me," Peter muttered. "I won't eat the dirty grapes anymore. Everyone does it. And the grapes are always wet, so who says they weren't clean? The wetness means they've been cleaned." 

 

"You're doing that drunk rambling thing," Balthazar pointed out. 

 

Peter looked surprised for a moment before letting out a laugh. "I didn't even realize I was drunk. I thought I was just high on my love for you."

 

"Oh, Jesus," Balth groaned. "That's the cheesiest thing I have ever heard."

 

Peter sat up on his knees, turning his body around so he could hover over Balthazar just a bit. "How dare you," he scoffed. "That was pure, beautiful romance."

 

Balth reached up to put his hands on either side of Peter's waist, looking up at him. "Yeah, no, it was just cheesy. Pure sappy, cheesiness."

 

Peter leaned down to kiss Balthazar. Not caring about getting sand in his hair or all down his back, Balthazar leaned back, pulling Peter on top of him. "Fine," Peter said as he pulled back from the kiss. "If you hate the way I show my affection, I'll just never be romantic or sappy again. I'll just insult you sarcastically and show my love that way."

 

"You already do that," Balthazar reminded him. "But, who said I hated it?"

 

"You called it cheesy." 

 

"I like cheese," Balth said, laughing against Peter's mouth as Peter came in for another kiss. 

 

"And me?" Peter asked in between kisses.

 

"I don't know, do you like cheese?"

 

Peter dropped his head against Balth's shoulder, laughing into it. "You dick."

 

Balth grinned. He knew what Peter had meant. "I like you even more." 

 

"Good," Peter said, lifting his head again so he could kiss Balthazar once more. "I like you more than everything."

 

"More than everything? You sure? That's a lot of things you're putting me above."

 

Peter nodded, his facial expression quickly turning from giddy to dead serious. It was almost comical, but mostly it was endearing. "More than everything," he repeated. "I've always liked you. I liked you when you were hiding from your party and I was drunk because your party was boring, no offense, not your fault. I liked you when you kept me up all night because I wanted to text you. I liked you when you ate chinese food and got drunk on my living room floor. I really liked you when we had sex that first time, loudly apparently because Ben said he heard us, so that's embarrassing, but I don't care. I liked you when you wrote that fucking song, and I spent every day up until we actually got together debating if it was about me or not. 

 

"I liked you when I was calling you a zombie, I don't know why I thought that was cute flirting, you don't look like a zombie. You're fucking adorable. I liked you when you told me you didn't want to sleep with me and I liked you when you sang about your dumb ex boyfriends on stage and I liked you when you told me you liked me and I've always liked you. I like you now. I _love_ you now."

 

"You're rambling," Balth whispered. He was curious to see how long Peter could go on saying these things that were making Balthazar fall more and more in love with each word. But he was so desperate to kiss him, he had to stop him now. 

 

"Then shut me up," Peter said.

 

Balthazar did. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought! You can find me on Tumblr @ murphysmilkovich.


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